i hate people who have to poke their finger into matters that dont even involve them a single bit.
dont think once you ask me to do something, means i got to do it for you.

i am not a pushover.
i cannot change along to your mood and decision alright.
and once i see very clearly of my stand again,
DONT TRUST ANYONE. EVEN THOSE WHO YOU KNOW FOR LONGEST TIME.

having this 'i dont know who to trust' feeling, its not my fault.
you gave it to me.
it all started with you.

after i found out, during my childhood days, what i wanted so badly was taken away from me at the age of 2, i know that with or without me in this world, everyone will be just fine.
i am just an extra waste who is adding on weight onto this poor planet.

i took you as a sister and hearing all these truths that you never will get to hear, i have to both take the pain and remember not to mention it to anyone.
cos thats my promise to the person who told me about it.
though i dont trust anyone, doesnt mean i dont want pple to trust me.
at least i know that others have me to trust.

*note: this whole entry is not to the same person.. i am not that mean to type a whole entry on someone.

sometimes my resentment, hatred, anger just gotta get over my head..
i have to tell someone how bad is it to have to bear this secret to myself for 2 whole years..
yes, all to myself.

i would like to thank SQUEAK
not cos we are les partners or anything naughty.
i would like to thank her as being my that friend always beside me, always supporting me.
i am so glad that i got my phone from my parents at the right time.
the time when GOD sent me a real friend that i know will last.

TO SQUEAK:
i am really glad you reply my sms and send me meaningful messages.
everytime i read a sms from you, it lightens up my whole day.
i really look forward to receive that letter from you
i am dying to tell you so many things i been thru
i really like to thank GOD for you, for allowing us to be in the same school and same class this year.
i wanna thank GOD that we can be in the same OBS group and got to know each other better.
i thank GOD that you just stay 2 stops away from me.
i thank GOD that you are in barker methodist cell.
i thank GOD for making you, you.
in your brokeness, complete.
in your brokeness, i place you as my complete bestfriend in my heart.
thank you.
and i seriously wanna tell you, I LOVE YOU:)

TO HUIYU:
i really wanna thank GOD for such a great senior/big sister like you.
you have always that person who is there to question me about my spiritual life.
you always that nice person i know i must treasure.
even though we dont get to see each other as often as we do in the past, but i know we are still able to open up to each other and just go out like we have know each other for forever.
yeah.
and i really appreaciate everything you have done for me, that include remembering to write my little blue book that only belongs to us, and remembering that you have a little sister to take care of in YM.

TO RACHEL:
i thank GOD for you always around to listen to my 'love' stories.
that include cool-sh and all lesbianic talks..
thank GOD for you always going to the flea market with me.
thank GOD for allowing you to have all the patience to listen to me talk rubbish and stand all my nonsense.
thank GOD that you are such a sleeper-lover so you didnt blame me too badly about kicking you in the night during OBS.
thank GOD for you just trying to be yourself

GOD, can you hear my cry in the night?
see my tears in the day?
sense my troubles in my life?
in my corner, i cry, kneel before you and shout
I NEED YOU, FATHER.
can you hear me?