miss the happy me?
i am happy infront of everyone in school
but my emo-ness is always in my house, in my mind.
in this corner of this room in my house in front of the computer, my emo place.
and so is my room and my bed, where my tears are most often seen
sighx.


its the point of time where i can give up everything i posess for everything i cant buy
friendships, experiences, relationships, love ..
chrisitianity, i want to be a faithful chritian who is not easily shaken by the thoughts and standards of this world.
im just timid to show my faith and start telling of his name, THATS ALL.
all i want is to tell you that there is a person always there for us and we really need him.
i want to save you.
i will regret my whole life if i didnt.
but as said, i am too timid and i dont wanna spoilt the friendship made.


will HE see the pain i am going through?
seeing the black and white of my lives, which is usually coloured with grey-ness.
can i ever see your face?
cos i really yearn for that day to come.
i wanna be close to you.
letting go of this world, holding on to you.


if during a religious war, a person asks you if you believe in christ. will you nod your head and proclaim that you are a child of GOD?
if that person took out a gun or knife to ask you to answer that question again, will your answer be the same and as determined as before?
you probably be shaken quite a bit and dont know how to answer.
YES OR NO.
LIE OR TRUTH.
you survive or not, depends on your answer.
i want to be the one that shouts the YES into that man's face.
everyone would be able to say YES now as the situation havent occured, this applies to me as well.
but if that really happens, what will my answer be?
i just wanna live this life for HIM and stand firm in my faith, DONT betray him for my life and comfort. but stand firm as i wanna spent my forever with him.
FATHER, help me.


i am quite postive that i would the few girls that would be questioned what subject i need to drop in order to get promoted to sec4.
or either ' doreen, you have to retain'.
the best thing is ' doreen, we cant accept you in this school any longer.'
woah.
i am so going to fail FLAT for Amaths, Emaths, Physics, Social Studies/History.
Thats 4 subs.
thats 50%.
i cant be scoring 100% for the rest right.
i am not confident in chinese as well.
i cant study too hard.
but i cant dont study
cos its always the case that i study too hard, and i fail like crap.
and i dont study as hard, and i pass.
I HATE IT. life is so unfair.
so am i suppose to study hard or just slack through the end of years?
i really wanna go sec 4 like everyone else.
start to think of it.
i am only confident in literature.
my past confidence in physics and chinese have led me down time and time.
physics? i have been passing by i failed the previous one.
ARGHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


the anger inside me cannot be subsided.
I HATE HER,doreen.