why?!

when i decided to let everything go, he had to come back.
the thoughts and feelings towards him have to all come back too..
i am really willing let everything go...
but i guess my heart doesnt right?
remember, you cannot do everything with your head.
cause sometimes your heart will not allow you to do so.
am i going into that depression i thought i left?
why must everything turn out like that?
i dont understand.

i'm in the black and white world of my own
can someone help me colour my world?