hate all these crap.

yeah. i really hate this.
whatever that is happening to me now.
sorry.
but you cant blame a girl to be like that.
i hate how older siblings should get scolding cos her sister flare up for NO GOOD REASON.

i just close a damn freaking internet window she finished watching her youtube and she FLARED UP.
she kept on screaming for no good reason when i held the mouse.
damn it.
i so wanted to punch her on her face, damn it.
i cant even remember how we fought.
everything happened so fast.
i know i am rough, but she didnt have to make me fight with her right.
damn shit face.
i dont really give a crap damn about my family members looking at my blog now.
i can like purposely go give them my website and tell them to visit EVERYDAY.
maybe that could understand me that 1% more.
parents, sisters.. ARGH
i dont deny that i think i am some psyco problem kid, but why do i always get the blame.

every school day, waking up at about 6 - 6.35am
will make sure i get my sister up by 630am
i will make myself be prepared by 645-650am
then, start nagging my dad to be quick if not erkor will be late for school again.
realised that SHE is always so slow and as i get impatient, i tell her to be quick.
as i am the must reach school on time person who hates to be late, my voice will be as if i was scolding everyone in the morning.
sorry, i dont know who planted that in me.
that i wanna be on time and stuff.
i so wanna F in this post..ARGHHHHHhhhhhhh.
fish fish fish fish fish YOU
i shouldnt use the F word, i dont wanna go against what i believe.

people dont appreciate for who you are.
they wouldnt until you dissappear forever.
everyone thinks that my morning screaming and nagging is just not working to get all of the house early enough to get erkor's butt in school on time.
fine, to me, it work.
why would i wanna waste my damn sliva on some people who dont even appreciate me for me?
yeah, i wouldnt after this hols.
i made up my mind.
i will either sit at home and stone and everyone will be late for school and work, or go to school myself.
i attempt to do these before
they dont want me to go school by myself
its not safe.
outside my house to busstop is not exactly safe when its dark.
but think about it, by surpressing all these in me, do you think its good for me?
for shouting and nagging people early in the morning, its such a bad start for the day for me.
so you think that its good?
you think i enjoy screaming? no. NO!
if i am a singer who really train my voice on my own, you think i would wanna screw it up.
you think i wanna throw my damn passion into the drain.
SHIT NO!

talking about passion, why cant i take design??
wtfish, i know designer is a difficult path to go.
but passion pulls you through!
cant believe how you always ask me to help you with design while you say that no one would like my design when i wanna take designer course.
bull shit crap man.
super irony.

now i really understand how people could be really lively in the past and cos of an incident, they turn super cold to everyone.
i think that will be me one day.
yes, introvert.
to think about it, if i were not in MG but in some neighbourhood school, i would be like be in some gang group leader.
seriously, i really feel like punching someone now.
walls dont work for me.
cos i wanna punch person.

sighx, me having mental problem?
its not possible now.

studying psycology? being a psycharist?
i think i need one and sighx, i would know why all those kids are coming to me.
cos they face the same things i do at home.

now i understand why people can chop a person up after killing him/her.
relax, i wouldnt kill someone.
i will live to my own principle in life.
if not, i am the total loser.
if i would to kill one person in this world, it would be this person typing this post up.

all i have to do now is shut my mouth and dont talk to anyone
should everyone attitude and back to my daoness.
how i wish that there is such a thing as indepedent person.
someone who can live without anyone.
i just need my space and music.

i dont know how to open all these to the lord.
yes, i know he will be dissapointed with me.
but what can i do, scream at people who piss me off?
no, i only can scream at myself.
this world is not fair at all.
its like how bad rule over good.

i would curse anyone here.
i would just say all the best to you rean.
i dont know what will happen so just look out.

music, the first thing i thought that can get me out of what i am facing now.
i need to sing.
sing everything out.
this is how i unwind myself.
music - universal, international language
i will hit the piano maybe.
i tell myself, i wouldnt cry.
that are for people who are .. ..
i dont know, i think i am one such person.
the more i tell myself to not cry, the more i feel like.
I MUST LIVE TO WHAT I SAY!

i will get over this once i post this, hopefully.
rean needs to cool down at this moment and .. ..