me

Saturday, April 22, 2006

BORING

went to church early in the morning
feel so sian the whole day
was actually intending to go for youth service
but during sunday school, i decided not to go.
so i sat in for choir
just sat there and stoned for an hour..
my dad sent me, my sis and maid home.

so boring.
dont have the motivation to study lit.
i will study after dinner :)

my whole weekend have been like that.
i guess i am just having mood swings.
but impossible to have the same sian mood for 3 days right.
letitia thought i was pissed.
sorry lar, i just have the very pissed and dao look.
thats just me.
my normal expression is dao pissed look.
yeah.

dont know what to do online either.
getting bored of icy tower and happyland adventures.
finished all the stages of happyland and cannot get above 150 level for icy tower.
so decided to stop..
everything is so boring..
or is it just me?

i am like so sick of sitting there by myself every week in service
so i decided not to go this week.
i dont know where i would go next week.
maybe i will just go for new life service or back to the children's choir.
i am so confused now.
nothing is working in my head.

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Friday, April 21, 2006

THE WEEK END AT LAST!!

AT LAST.
nice wonderful rest and slack time at home.
slept at 11pm last night, woke up at 8am
i dont know why so early.
must be all my kors' noise.
sighz...they have to always disturb me sleeping.
my sister is still in bed ok...SO UNFAIR!
if it wasnt for them, i will still be pigging away now.
nevermind.
at least i have 9 hrs of sleep:)

not going for caps ball this morning.
going out with rachel to ruien's fanclub gathering at 1, leaving the hse at 12.
rachel is the fan/ member of the fanclub, not me.
i am not a ruien fan, but i think she is alright.
yeah.

a 'no homework' weekend once again.
cos laoshi didnt come to sch yesterday, mrs sim went through the chemistry paper
yeah.
oh ya.
i failed the chemistry test, like 43 %
damn it lar.
i am failing too often nowadays.
sighx.
hope from next week onwards, everything will turn out better.

recently, i have this urge to listen to english pop music.
ok, its really werid.
maybe i am just sick of all my ablums.
but lucky, i do have some english ablums to listen too:)
you guys maybe laughing your head off now.
to think how i use to think that eng music sucks.
but excuse me, i only listen to some singers and not all.
no rock band pls, only proper singers.
you know what i am talking about.

all aches have faded away.
i feel so shuang now..
HA!
no ulcers too!!
THAKS EMMA- ma the PANGster

next week,
literature test [wed] - Macbeth act 1 and 2
a maths [thurs] - functions, ... ...
yeah.

have been crazily played HAPPYLAND ADVENTURES and ICY TOWERS like siao.
so fun ok..:)

what will i be doing 5 years from now?
who will i be with?
will i still be in your memory?

Thursday, April 20, 2006

blogskin picture

yep.
the picture i made for this blogskin.
forgot to mention about that in the previous entry i posted today.
spent about 2 hrs doing that.
and neaten up everything here.
at last i know and figured out how to d othe settings and the numbering for the blogskin.
LOVE IT.

at last i had enough rest.
hope all the ache will go away.
and i can return back to school tomorrow.

complicated.
when will you hear me out?

God has his plan for everything that has happened.

ACHING!!

yes.
i am aching like no one's business.
i cant even walk properly..
have to limp a bit.
its as if i have some disformed leg...
my left leg's whole muscle is like super PAIN!
my shoulder are crazy too.
all my muscle are aching..
even my abdominal muscle too..
this is so bad.

did not go to school today.
cos i am ALLOWED to stay at home and rest...

i did chemistry tys at home.
i dont know why chemistry thou...
it was WERID>

someone pls call me and tell me about school.
THANKS

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

NAFA!

i am having aches all around me now.
yep.
from NAFA.
yesterday afternoon, 5 items
today early morning, 2.4km run
yeah.
i am BEAT!

but i am nevertheless, happy for my NAFA results.
pull-ups: 18
shuttle run: 11.0 sec
sit-ups: 32
standing board jump: 1.85m
sit and reach: 44cm
2.4km run: 15.40minutes

straight As for 5 item
2.4 km run: C
but its alright thou.
at least i got my GOLD and 28 points.
i havent scored so high in a long while.
definately going to trimax later.
for those who dont know what trimax is...
its the OTO trimax thingy.. the one that i similar to u zap.
yeah..

going to so seriously fail my physics practical.
its so diffcult ok...
sigh.
scored so badly for history..
like a freaking F9..
but emaths was alright B4 [improved]

everything is so dissapointing.
to think that my birthday is coming, i should cheer up and be happy for at least one day.
sighx.
but its really very depressing to know that i have to go to school early in the morning for gb and in the late afternoon for some orchestra thingy on my birthday which happens to be on a saturday, on a long weekend.
now, i am only left with friday to celebrate my bdae.
thats so saddening..
i thought i have the whole weekend.

where is doreen?
i dont know.
a slient screamer hurts herself deep inside.
when will the hurt stop?
when will all these come to an end?
wanna go back to the primary 6 me.
when everything is either black or white, right or wrong.
now, i begin to see everything grey and i dont know what to do.
will everything turn out nicely in the end?
i dont know

in your brokeness, complete.
outgrow..
everlasting scream....

what will i do?

Saturday, April 15, 2006

FUN!!

thursday swim meet was ALRIGHT!!
just that rachel and i went a bit high.
like playing stupid games invented by rachel.
SPOT THE TEACHER!
yeah.
but it was quite fun:)
read CCS cover 8 days and eat hello panda vera gave me.

afternoon, me lydia angie and elieen went out.
TP arcade had to change their machines at the wrong time huh.
took away the drums.
so we went to FAR EAST to window shop and took NEOPRINT.

evening, church for LAST SUPPER service.
slept at only 1am cos i had to watch the replay of dream chasers.
NICE!

THE DAY I WAITED FOR AGES IS HERE!!
GOOD FRIDAY!!
that means no school and i can wake up late!:)
went to church in the afternoon.
made a card for xiang and clement.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLEMENT!!
he is so fortunate to have me in his committee this time.
cos me and baoqi went all the way out to breadtalk to buy his cake.

i really cant clique with them well.
not at all.

TODAY, went to school for gb enrolment at 7.30am.
woke up at 6.40am and sleep like at 12.15am yesterday...
but slacked the whole day at home today:):)

I AM SO SO HAPPY THAT MY CLIQUE IS ALWAYS SO SUPPORTIVE!!!
YOU PPLE ROCK MANS!!
i am still thinking of what song to sing.
yeah...
maybe i will sing one of ruien's song and dedicate it to rachel...
she will LOVE ME!!
HAha!

just to tell everyone out there, i NEVER went into KBOX before.
even though i have a KBOX gang.
yeah.

i hope that i will stand strong at my quiet corner.
thoughts of leaving.
but...
where will i go?
sliently i walk away...
do you know i existed?

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

WOAH!

today is ALRIGHTS!
just that i really freaked out during gb choir.
i just suck at piano / keyboard pls.
but, chia have decided to help me out by being the pianist for the choir.
phew. THANKS A LOT!
i cant play in front of so many pple cos i know i suck.
its worst than being a worship leader or in a worship band pls.

today's emaths test was alright lar.
just like what everyone else said.
yeah.
thou i didnt really studied...XD
but lucky mrs lim went through it yesterday.;)
phycis is so bad ...
i FAILED the test.
its like .. i never expect to fail so badly.
and i havent failed any physic test before.
crap lar.
i have so much confidence in the subject and i am failing it.
now i can only be confident in literature, a maths and chinese..
ARH!!

yesterday
went to MSM [methodist school of music] for choir.
yeah, i am in a choir.
just joined actually.
performing for the anniversary of MSM end of this month.
and there is like 5-6 songs to learn.
haix.
but hopefully my singing standards will improve in this intense practice.
CANT WAIT.
but i just realised that
adult choir can be quite boring.
cos we are singing SATB.
1st TIME FOR ME!
i am an ALTO!
FUN!

i am so excited.
tmr @ toa payoh HDB HUB
me.angie.emma.elieen.cassie.jo.
arcade/MAKAN!
anywaes, this is my new clique in class.
but, duh i still love my 2T CLIQUE!!
but my new clique is FUN too.
WE ARE THE KBOX GANG!!
me.angie.emma.elieen.cassie.jo.
YEAH!
so excited.

finally i joined a singing competition.
CHINESE SINGING COMPETITION IN SCHOOL for chinese week.
contesting as soloist.
must go kbox and practice with gang.
26 JUNE 2006.
cant wait.

off to eat CARBONARA.
DOROTHY'S CARBONARA!!
BYEeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Saturday, April 08, 2006

WHEE!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAITH!!!
ya..it was actually yesterday...yeah.
must always keep that smile on okay, faith?
hope you liked the present.

everything in my mind is like in a mess yesterday in school.
i dont know why.. its just...
other than mess, my brain, mind and thought are all in a mess..
when i was doing my chem test yesterday, i wasnt as nervous as everyone.
i wasnt franticly trying to do every question right or even completing the paper.
i just had like the thought that .. its just another piece of work.
i am CRAZY if you wanna say that...
how can someone treat a test like another piece of homework?
not that the paper is really eazy or i thought that i will score full marks, its just that ..
i dont feel like doing the paper..
i wanted to leave pages blank and not do questions i dont feel like thinking for a stupid answer.
trust me, all my answers are just crap..
what the point of thinking when you know that you are not the type who have the brains to study..
and that you teacher cant teach.?
in the mids of my paper, i was thinking of dropping out of school.
then, i thought why not i go like brake all the school rules so i will get expelled or something.
so i wouldnt have to face all the teachers and all those words and formulas and even numbers on all my damn textbooks.
why must everyone study?
as in, study so many subjuects and subjects that you dont even enjoy.
i dont see how chem will help me in the future.. or even a maths... like functions!!
why would anyone use functions in the 1st place.
and who in the whole will look at an object and say.. ' ohh, that thing have a marcomolecular structure. i think i will buy it cos it have strong covalent bond'
NO RIGHT?
that person must be out of his/her mind lar.
i serious think that i am just... too stress.
why must everyone that 8 subs and take o levels.
i mean, it means that in on earth now lives to get a stupid paper called certificate?
which you cant even bring on with you after you die.
dont tell me that GOD would recongise us as his children cos we did have certificates.
or will HE not let us into heaven cos we scored so badly for o levels or that we go poly?
no right.
so i really dont see that point f studying.
I REALLY WANNA DROP OUT OF SCHOOL!!
when i completed the chem test, i sat there and stare blankly into space.
why did i even come to school?
for more homework?
for more test?
no, i came to school for friends.
so, if one day, i dont have anymore friends in school, i most probably just pon school the whole of my life.
crap man...haix.
to think of it, i have thought of dropping out of school since my pri 6 days.
even before i took PSLE.
i wanted to stop studing after PSLE and just sleep at home.
or go find a job.
i mean, whats the point of studying when you dont what to.

all i know now is that my whole is in a totally mess.
i know what and why i am living for now.
for GOD, family, friends and dreams.

i know i will fail the paper.
so when the paper was collected, i just sat on my table all by myself and stoned.
i will really LOL if i pass.
rachel came along to ask if the paper was diffcult.
IT WAS to me cos i didnt had the mood to study that day before
and i was thinking of failing since the moment i studied.
everyone thought the paper was easy.
but, whatever.
its just another paper that the teacher will mark and talk to you when you fail and make you go for remedial.
and you still totally have no idea what is the teacher talking about after tons of remedial.
cos i am NOT interested at all.

most teacher thinks i am a quiet good girl who occasionally goes high, listen in class and do all my homework and study all my test.
but too bad, i am not like that.
sorry.

i know i needed to turn to GOD for all these that have processed in my brain.
so i make sure i went for emma's CG yesterday night at acs barker.
i know i hate that place a lot.
but, i am not going there just to see or know her chirchmate there.
i was very clear i went there for GOD.
the girls cell people there are really nice.
really warm.
and i think i really needed that.
sorry to emma and angela, whenever it comes to going to church.
i am anti-social and very quiet.
i dont know why.
maybe its cos i am not familar with the place.
my daddy allow me to go there more often since i liked the CG.

yeah.
GOD IS MY STRENGTH OF MY HEART.
i will perserver on.
but school, no guarantee that i will continue to study and follow the school rules.
i need to scream it out.
A slient screamer hurts herself.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

SO STRESSED OUT!

i am so nervous and stress out in school..
yeah.
work is piling up.
i am getting lazier.
CRAP!

just ran another 2.4km today.
dont feel as tired as the previous 3km..
2.4km - 16minutes 10 seconds.
super slow pls.
last year was 14 min something.
crap..i am getting more unfit.
hope we get to run another 2.4km next week.
so i can target for 15 mins 1st..
i am getting so weak in my 5 items for nafa.
its just one year of rest and i am like CRAP!!
to think that i have scored gold for my whole life for NAFA and now, i am going to get a sliver or a bronze..
i cant do situps... ALWAYS!!
i always like get a B/C
yeah.
and now, i deprove so much on standing broad jump.
i cant score a A for that anymore.
crap!!
i must get A for pull ups, sit and reach!
B for standing board jump, shuttle run and situps
PLUS THE 2.4 KM RUN!!
total= 26 points for NAFA.
i WANT MY GOLD!!

my ulcer is getting bigger..
leftside of my lower lip - BIG ulcer
right side of lower lip - baby ulcer but getting BIGGER!
ulcer llife sucks...
can eat oily and spicy food.
i am training to eat spicy food now...YEAH!!

on DAINEL's fest
no oily spicy meaty food.
how bad can my ulcer get...

Monday, April 03, 2006

CAMPUS SUPER STAR!![CCS]

CAMPUS SUPERSTAR FINALS YESTERDAY WAS GREAT!!!!!
it was so SUPER nice pls.
even though my 2 favourite didnt win.
but still, at least the person i hoped wouldnt win didnt win as well.
1st singapore campus superstar went to ZHI YANG..
ok. wait. i dont know if it is zhi or zi..
nvm. HE WON!

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ZHI YANG!!
he really look like a hamster pls.
no.
more like hamtaro.
but that makes him so cute.XD
i love his smile.

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RENFRED!!!
my favourite male contestant in CCS!!!
he dancing is great and he is so CHARMING AND CUTE!!!
and his smile can really melt girls.
haha.
and his eyes really has the electric current...
HAHA!!!

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GERALDINE!!! aka dean
her eyes can really 'talk'.
yes. thats what my mum always says.
she has that cool cool attitude.
haha!
really admire her.
she should dress up more often.
she is so PRETTY XD

yep.
and there was junyang and xinhui appeared at the competition yesterday too!!
my 2 favorite PSS[project superstar] contestants!!
WOOOO!!
so funny..
HA!

really didnt expect many mgirls watching this.
but they did!!
no one agreed with me that renfred is really cute.
only today, khoonnie did...YEAH!

yeah. still thinking if i should get their ablum.
i really regretted not calling for geraldine...but oh wells.

cant wait for tonight.
CSS celebration...
i think clara and adriano are getting cuter..HA!
such a cute couple..heehee.

got to go.
tmr physics test.
all the best to me.

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dream car: red/white sports car..like this one
crap.
this car too 'shuai' liao...HA!
I REALLY WANNA GET A CAR AND START DRIVING NOW!!!
SO I CAN GO FOR A RIDE ANYTIME I WANT!!!
MY DREAM CAR.
I WILL WAIT TO GET YOU!!

CAMPUS SUPER STAR!!