what can i say?
i feel better after realising that i am a loser.
at least i am not that loserated to an extend of not realising i am one.
sighx.
why is there only trouble in this world?
it really seems to me that there is nothing good in this world to look out for.
look. WWIII is coming.
i know it will bound to come, i see it coming.
it would be a religious one i think
and i hope that i would able to stand up for my faith
thats all i ask for.


i really come to a point of time in life that i dont know what i am living for.
doing something for christ? perhaps.
showing love to people who i do really treasure? maybe
yearn for the day i meet HIM who is above and hug HIM really tight and tell him how i really do love HIM? better be..
for my future which i becoming clearer and clearer to me every single day? hope so


I DONT KNOW NUTS ABOUT THIS WORLD
everything is turning into a stranger to me.
including me.

DOREEN IS FAILING AMATHS LIKE NO ONE's BUSINESS.
OR YOU CAN SAY THAT SHE IS FAILING IN SCHOOL LIKE CRAZY.
SHE THINKS SHE REALLY CANT MAKE IT TO SEC 4 NEXT YEAR.
I HATE DOREEN

just did DrPhil test sent to me thru email.
HA! yeah. and here are the results.


Choose what you like and will do now, not in the past.
1. When do you feel at your best?
c) late at night
2. You usually walk...
b) fairly fast with little steps
3. When you talk to people...
a) you stand with your arms folded
4. When relaxing, you sit with...
b) your legs crossed
5. When something really amuses you, you give...
a) a big appreciated laugh
6) When you go to a party or a social gathering, you...
b) make a quiet entrance, looking around for someone you know
7) When you are working, concentrating very hard, and you are interrupted, you...
b) feel extremely irritated
8) Which colours do you like most?
g) brown or gray
9) When you are in bed at night, and before those moments you sleep, you lie...
c) on your side, slightly curled
10) You often dream that you are ...
c) search for someone or something


POINTS: 40
RESULT:
31 to 40 points
Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over it if that trust is ever broken.
sorry those peeps i send the email to.
i counted wrongly...yeah.


heritage tour is really such a waste of time.
its not that it was totally boring or something.
our tour guide suck..wasnt entertaining enough to keep us listening to him.
but at least i spent meaningful time with my friends(:
i hate it when we have to go school for such a short time not during school hours just to do such tours which dont exactly benefit us.


DONE WITH CHEM, EMATHS, ENGLISH & PHYSICS
physics is so diffcult, so i will just skip that subject.
NERDOREEN ON HER WAY.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MGS
119th BIG BIRTHDAY.
though i am not a bery LOYAL mg dude, but i feel the happiness this year. i dont know why..HA!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHARON!!
i am so so so sorry dear that i forgot to bring your present. i was so engrossed in going school and get done with today.


I HATE RESPONSIBLITIES AND TRYING TO BE HOW EVERYONE ELSE WANTS TO BE.
STOP FORCING ME TO BE THAT PERFECT LITTLE GIRL THAT YOU WANT OK.
I GOT MY OWN RIGHTS.
IF I AM TOO NOISY FOR YOU, THEN TOO BAD.
NOW I REALLY FELT THAT STRONG PAST THAT IS HAUNTING ME AGAIN
I DONT WANNA FEEL THIS WAY
BUT TOO BAD FOR ME IF YOU ARE GOING TO CONTINUE TO TREAT ME THIS WAY AND MAKE ME FEEL AND THINK THIS WAY.
YOU THINK I LIKE IT?
I TOOK SO LONG TO WALK OUT OF THAT DARKNESS IN MY CHILDHOOD AND IT SEEMS THAT I AM REVISITING THAT PLACE AGAIN.
CAN I GET OUT?


sorry. something happened while typing this entry.
now, that is really scream-typing.
dont try too hard to understand it cos no one will.
only her and 3rd person:)
i am so glad i have at least 2 pple out there who knows me for who i am.
and hopefully, love me for who i am and not for the sake of loving me.


enough of being in this mood. CHANGE.
yep. back into my joyful happy day mood.
standing there like an idoit is quite alright for me.
so many things went thru my mind as i stood there in the parade ground waiting for the G.O.H to arrive.
the raindrops just fell on my face like that.
just like how it did when i was walking up the slope to school in the morning
now, i cant exactly remember what went thru my little mind.
we had a cake-bun thingy and pizza bread for our tea.
the cake-bun sucks.
pls dont ever try to out cake and bread together ever again.
its not nice.
its like trying to mix tea leaves into coke.
EEEEEEK!! totally gross-ness. i dont know how that example came about.
i was counting how many MGirls who grad last year went poly during the service.
8!! yeah. it seems that the number is increasing.
last time was like if you see one, that girl is a werido.
HERE I COME POLY LIFE(:


what else to blog?
i thought i had a lot to blog when i enter to my blogger account.
but ever since something happened when i was typing this entry, i have totally no mood.


MY CLIQUE IS SO DEAD.
I HATE MY CLIQUE(US).
i dont literally hate hate.
as in, i hate the attitude.
i dont wanna elaborate much here.
i am fine with everyone in the clique but we dont seem to be able to go out together.
as in, you all are really nice pple but we just dont clique.
i dont know how we manage to stay as a clique for 1 1/2 year.
but i seriously think we are dying off.
no one is bothered about anyone.
everyone just gotta talk behind pple's back.
sighx.
you know we can always go out and not spend money.
we could always play and chill out at places which are cheap and dont give this pressure for us to come together.
we can always just hang out at someone's place and dont go orchard so often.
money is always the issue that gives you the motivation or the want to go feeling.
thats why i dont see why we go out for a meal when everyone is going straight home after that.
its like just eating on the same table but conversations are between 2-3 pple.
then we split up.
its the same wherever we go.
some pple gotta leave early, some rather do other things..yeah.
everyone in our clique has different interests and shops for different things.
so why trying to force everyone to eat sweets when some rather eat chocolate, some rather buy watermelon and some just dont wanna waste energy on that sweet?
you get what i mean.
i know we alr reduced the times we meet as a clique.
but not all the time, everyone is willing to meet up.
no offence to anyone in our clique.
pin pointing no one.
RACHEL FAITH VERA RAINA GENIA TRINA
I LOVE YOU ALL.
BUT WE STILL GOT TO WORK ALL THESE OUT SOMEHOW.
so is life bettter without being in a clique?


I AM A DIET AND A SAVING SPREEM
***take note: not shopping spreem
i went to bed yesterday feeling so hungry and my gastric was acting up.
but i know once i sleep i wouldnt feel hungry.
ny bro told me that if i slept with a hungry stomach, i would wake up earlier to eat breakfast.
i didnt believe his rubbish at 1st.
but i did wake up at 6 today...which is so WEIRD
i usually wake up at 6.30
i had a packet of instant noodles for breakfast...so you now know i was really hungry.
SAVING SPREEM actually i dont know what i am saving for.
more stuff to buy? i dont know.
i dont think i would have the determination to save $1500 for drums..
its like...i can buy 500 watermelons...HA!


i really would like to do more scream-typing here.
yet i dont wanna spoil your mood.
IGNORE ME FOR ALL I CARE.
YOU GO YOUR WAY, I STAY WHERE I ALWAYS BEEN

QUIZZES SQUEAK ASKED ME TO DO OUT OF MY BOREDOM
Find your Celestial Choir
Witty and inspiring, you live in the moment. You seem at most times to be a source of creative energy, almost tireless in your efforts when you are dedicated to a cause, and driving others occasionally even when they dont share your determination or enthusiasm.

You can be impatient with people who dont move or think as fast as you. If things dont go your way, you can become snappish and short, responding with less-than-friendly answers to the most inane of questions. If you cant find people who work well on your wavelength, you are much happier working alone

[wicked.alchemy choir info]
Ofanim resonate "Motion." Also called the "Wheels" of heaven, their forms are sleek and reflective, so that even standing still they seem to be constantly moving. They spend most of their time in spacial vacuums, and little in heaven or on earth, since they are the creatures that seem to 'make the universe spin'.


What High School Stereotype Are You?
You are an Outsider
The overwhelming levels of stupidity and pain around you have finally taken their toll on your will to live. You probably came from a dysfunctional family, in which you were mistreated, ignored, or misunderstood. Poor you.

Its really not your fault that you cant stand society. Life is cruel.


What type of Fae are you?
Changeling
You have a better grasp on reality than most people, either because of your experience or your insight. This makes you better capable of adapting to change or seeing other sides of an argument.

You're also known to have a wide roller-coaster of emotions, or slip easier that most people into depression. Socially, your reactions to situations might be as changing as your ability to adapt, which may leave other people at a loss for how to deal with you.

-Adaptable
-Insightful
-Creative
-Cynical
-Depressed
-Unstable


is this really me?

NEW SECTION
WANT TO GOCLASSES FOR

PIANO[finish grade8]

SINGING[get a grade8?]

DANCING!!

DRUMS:)

BASIC GUITAR

BASIC KEYBOARD(i am not up to my standard yet)

VIOLIN<3>
LEARN KOREAN(i cannot speak korean though i can sing korean songs)

LEARN JAP(same for jap too)


i know i am sick.
want to learn so many instruments.
5 instruments.
once i recall what happened during obs.
cos i tried getting my instructor confused over if i am doreen or rachel, me and rachel changed name.
when i finally couldnt take it responding to the name rachel, i told him i am doreen.
he said my face looked more like i am called doreen than rachel.
he said doreen meant musical inclined which i never exactly knew.
thats right, i do expect alot from myself when it comes to music.
only recently, not in the past.
sorry worship comm, i expect alot and i will definately make sure that the band have sufficient practice before gb meeting.
make me the head of worship comm lar...HA!
oh ya. and he asked me if that interpretation of the name doreen is right with me.
i nodded.
he asked, so what instrument do you know how to play.
in choir, piano, keyboard, drums and a little of guitar.
he immediately responded ' you are those sick people who plays all instruments and do everything involving music.
sorry. i am like that.
i think all my money will go to music once i start working.
AND SAVE UP FOR MY SPORT CAR
but i guess the name doreen is smart in studies but just plain laziness.
i am lazy in studies cos i know i cannot go far with it.
I DOUBT I CAN MAKE IT TO A LAW FIRM WITH MY RUBBISH ENGLISH.
yeah, cos of me having a bad flare in english, i gave up being a lawyer since 13.


mr lim once mentioned that you need a degree or some cerfiticate to back you up if you wanna be a singer.
those words hit me so hard.
a degree? i am determine from that moment that i gotta make it to university before my career starts.
but i dont like being an 'old' singer.
as in, now most people turn singer at 20.
by the time after uni, i would by 23 -24.
isnt that the time to find a future hubby and settle down in life?
ok. I NEED GOD TO CLEARLY SHOW ME THE WAY ONCE AGAIN!!

sighx. wanna give up yet cannot.
SCHOOL IS BORING.
thats why everyone is {coughcough} falling sick and cannot go to school.
BOREDEM BRINGS SICKNESS.


E-LEARNING HW HERE I COME.
i got CHINESE PHYSICS left.
but chinese is damn alot.


waiting till 2.31pm for classmates to call me so i can ask who went to school.
HW HW HW!!
DOREEN IS A NERD!!
she wants to finish her e learning hw by wednesday.

CHINESE HOMEWORK ARE SO IRRITATING!!
got loads of them for e learning week..arGhhhH.
OPEN DAY BETTER BE GOOD!! i got the best spot for watching sizzlers:)HA!


I AM IN VERA's HOUSE NOW WITH PET.
LUNCH WAS SO FILLING.
everyone can get fat eating in vera's hse.
no wonder vera is in this shape now.


I AM MADLY IN LOVE WITH VERA TAN XIN YI
she made me post this.

BAD
MOOD
i wanna run in the rain

i decided to make points to blog before typing out my entry
if not i will start to drift off from whatever i wanna blog and end up, i need another entry.
yeah. and before i even start drifting away from my head, i am going to blog about:
-gb day, worship
-mum back from korea
-today in school
-etc, crap.

gb day
the day when us gb girls will stand out of the white school uniform crowd with out oh so nice gb uniform
actually i somehow like it.
but not the cap.
i dont want more pimples.
i have been getting pimple outbreak recently due to stress.
lucky for me, i only wore the gb uniform like for chapel which is 45mins and i changed out.
i was actually drumming in school shoes.
after sermon, i didnt have time to change back to shoes so i wore boots and drum.
i alr got a blister and the drumming make it worst.
SO I GOT TO CHANGE OUT:)
i havent done a SINGLE cent for my fortnight card.
oh.
worship, i was so glad it was a horror to me.
everything went on fine and i was so glad.
in the morning when we practice before chapel, my bass drum just came on moving forward.
i would like have to stop have way through my fast song to just push the drums back.
prila have to end up pushing it for me cos i cant just stop halfway as she was right in front of me on the guitar.
it was such an unsightly sight.
but end up, i was smart enough to repair that problem by PUTTING THE LEGS OF THE BASS DOWN AND NOT LET IT FLY AT THE SIDE.
chia added those stuff below those legs to prevent from moving too much.
SUCCESS!!
i didnt had to worry that my bass would go all the way out that my short leg cant reach it.
i was glad the drums sounded much better than the chapel's one.
i was so glad i had so many cymbals to choose from.
i was so glad that it was in the audi.
THANK YOU FATHER!:)
everything went on smoothly.
rachel said i didnt look nervous at all hitting those drums while stacey said that i looked like a robot.
ok. i dont know which one was accurate..
but i look not nervous yet too stiff, maybe
I LOVE DRUMS:)
DRUMMING IS IN MY BLOOD!!
i realised that i have been on the stage too often all of a sudden.
its just this year.
so is it good or not? someone answer me pls;)


mum back from korea
YEAH!! i got so many yummy goodies and I LOVE KOREA TO BITS
though i havent been there for my life.
my mum thinks that i am really nuts over korea...FINE I AM ABNORMAL.
she got my FAVOURITE JEJU CHOCOLATE!!
green tea jeju chocolate rocks!!
tell you how much i love it, everytime when i get those chocolates, i keep the box and cut them into nice pieces so i can paste them and start drooling over the pictures.
yeah, that bad.
i got nice chewy jelly, TONS OF SWEETS and a set of korea CUTLERIES(is this how to spell it?)
I LOVE KOREA!!! and there CULTURE!
why do korean use metal utensils? can someone explain? SQUEAK I NEED YOU TO ANSWER THIS!!
my mum is back.
good? bad?
good, i dont have to eat instant noodles when my maid dont know what to cook and i dont have to worry about not having enough ingredients at home for any meals. SAY BYE BYE TO LONIESS!
bad, my freedom being robbed away, cant watch the tv like no ones business, computer restriction, cant continue to be a naughty girl in school and give attitude to teachers anymore. i still do but not that badly since my mum is back and the teachers may call her up. but i already warned her many times that if a teacher calls to say that i got an attitude, dont freak out. i asked my mum how would she react.
' i would listen to the teacher'. will you scold me? 'wait for your teacher calls and i will decide'. i manage to persuade her not to:)


TODAY IN SCHOOL
practically slack day for everyone else who isnt that involved in the rehearsals and all.
but i was.
teachers didnt go into classes for lessons i think.
moreover, everything was happening outside my class.
I DIDNT GET TO WATCH DAZZLERS AND SIZZLERS!!
my regret for the day.
i must may sure i get to watch it on thursday rehearsals or on sat.
i love watching sizzlers(cheerleading) :)
what was my founder's day and open day rehearsals all about? STANDING THERE LIKE AN IDOIT.
practically something like that, plus i was in slippers.
i didnt know standing there, staring into thin air can be so tiring too.

ETC
stayed back after school for amaths remedial.
he should just come and tell us or left us a note that he wouldnt come.
wasted my whole afternoon in school.
do you know how damn tired i am.
i went to pick my mum in the airport yesterday, flight delayed so i came home even later than expected.
but luckly emma, mil and squeak were there.
i had a fruitful time talking to squeak and emma as mil sleeps.
class shirt class jacket coming up.
ROCKS!
emma want a band in our class.
ROCK ROCKS!!
emma, guitar
mil, bass
sharon, keyboardist(?? i didnt know she could play the keyboard)
me, drums
ON THE HUNT FOR SINGERS
dont point fingers at me thought i love to sing.
have you ever seen a worship leader drumming and singing at the same time?


JUST FOR LAUGHTERS!
yesterday went to faith's hse with zhijing after school.
jing was just browsing the inbox of my handphone and she happen to see someone named 'SQUEAK' on my phone.
she insisted that i was seeing someone without informing her.
she asked who squeak was, she wanted to know badly and the only answer she would wanna accept is a guy's name.
i said it was her, then she asked faith.
faith had to sabo me saying that SQUEAK is my darling.
she is, but she is not my boyfriend. SHE IS NOT EVEN A GUY!!
yeah, now you know how rumors can be made up without any truth.
just a nicename, an assumption and i got a boyfriend.
just to SHOUTOUT to everyone out there, pls dont believe in rumors and PLS DONT ASSUME WHAT YOU HEAR.
ask the person and get everything sort out.
jing, I GOT NO BOYFRIEND AND I AM STILL SINGLE YAR?!


i am all weary and worn out.
dont know how i am going to face a whole new day tmr.
i can get the beat off my head, I WANT MORE GB DAY!!

TOTALLY BORED OUT AT HOME
i finish studing for remainder theorm.
its diffcult to learn a topic by yourself ya know.
ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO MATHS
additional maths makes it worst.
hope everything turns out well tmr.
actually i am not even sure if i am taking my test tmr or tuesday...yeah


I JUST REALISED THAT DOREEN SOON IS MISSING EMATHS AND AMATHS FOR 2 DAYS STRAIGHT
just to piss those people who dont join GB off.
on monday, i miss a maths and emaths.
on tuesdays, i miss history, physics, amaths, emaths, chemlab.
everyone will miss history, physics, amaths on that day too.
but i get to miss the most miserable CHEM LAB!!
now, i really have no regrets going GB:)
only sitting in for 15mins for chem and chinese on tuesday:)
LOVE IT!


GOTTA TALK TO RUTH TODAY
we havent talked for a while.
she had her tests and i had my routine school life in singapore which is definately more stressing out compared to shanghai
but thinking that she takes triple sciences,FULL history/lit/geog, i feel so much luckier staying here:)


before i forget, HAPPY 15TH BIRTHDAY RAINA-NA!!
yep. she is really A GOOD SHOPPER.
love my studs
i got sharon's present...await for july 25..


CANT WAIT FOR TMR!!
going to play and hit those drums for chapel.
i hope i dont make too obivous mistakes that will make me too embarrassed to continue playing the drums for the next song or walk off the stage.
hope that i wouldnt hit the drums so hard that they just drop on the ground, or my sticks flying away from my 'will be sweaty' hands due to nervousness or i just fall off the chair when drumming.


I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW I AM GOING TO DRUM WITH HEELS AND SKIRT
and in gb uniform.
i will look so eeek as a drummer...
as in unprofessional, cos the gb uniform is all about being serious and drill and discipline.
and i am like trying to be punk on drums will the gb uniform.
but hope everything turn out will with my boots...sighx.


i am TOO addicted to drums...seriously.
whenever i hear a song which the drumsbeat is wacky that makes me wanna hit those drums, i will run to my room to take the drumsticks and start playing it for like 30 mins straight...yeah
i really wanna get my own DRUM SET and get my jamming room done...
as in, i will ask my dad again about the jamming room.
now the only thing that is lack from my family's jamming room is THAT SET OF DRUMS!!
i remember my mum mentioning it to me that she would wanna learn drums when i said i wanted a set of drums ages ago and she didnt mind paying for the drums.
but i found out that she will pay if i paid for 1/2 the price of the drums
i need $300 bucks NOW!!
actually i rather buy the drums set with my own money so no one can touch it.
its hard to keep our drums in good condition cos i am pretty sure even before i get sick of my drums, my da kor will just spoil it and there goes my savings.
he will make all those dents which i will start screaming at him and he will just continue drumming..
a guitar is much easier to keep other people off compared to drums.
look, if my cousins/friends comes to my house and enters my jamming room/my room, they will go 'WOW DOREEN YOU GOT A DRUM SET!!' and they sit on the chair and start to anyhow hit the drums.
even if i take the drumsticks away, they will use their hands, or even take my pens and turn them into sticks..
and i just realised that my sister wouldnt give the drums a rest..
now, i would have to consider locking up my room and make sure no one touches my drums if i am going to buy them.
OK. DOREEN IS ON HER SAVING DEAL TILL SHE GETS HER DRUMS SO PLS DONT GO SHOPPING WITH HER.
DRUMS 1st ABOVE THE WHOLE SHOPPING LIST.
that includes MY MP3
hack. i dont need a MP3, i dont even need money to upgrade my phone since i can survive with no hp days in the past.
I JUST NEED DRUMS!!
anybody would like to sponsor this poor little girl a set or drums or even JUST THE STICKS?
yeah, believe it or not. I DONT EVEN HAVE THE CHEAPEST THING IN A DRUM SET, THE STICKS!!


last issue to make note to everyone.
ANYONE WHO NEED TUTION FOR MATHS(any) OR SCIENCE(any), PLS TELL ME via call,msn,sms,email OR TAG ME!!
its only for secondary students.
price is lower sec $20, upper sec $25
yeah.
TAKE NOTE: DOREEN IS NOT THE ONE GIVING THE TUTION SO DONT WORRY ABOUT FAILING YOUR TESTS.
cos i do need tution myself as well.
venue will be reviewed once you tell me that you are interested.
TO CHURCHIES: ITS BEN's TUTION BY THE WAY.
i am just the middle dude..
I NEED STUDENTS BY WEDNESDAY

HAPPY EARLY BIRTHDAY RAINA!!!
yeah.
went out with rachel and faith to celebrate raina's birthday.
had KFC at taka for lunch
chicken there is really fattening and oily.
but i luckly i only eat fastfood once in a blue moon.
HA!
yeah. i am CONFIDENT that i can lose that weight from those chickens soon enough
with the help of OTO TRIMAX!!
ha! mrs sito got a shock when she heard that i uses it:)
at least i am eating proper meals.
oh ya. my mum thinks i eat too little and she is making me eat more...
anyways, then sang nana a birthday song and went to cinelesiure to play ARCADE
I MUST IMPROVE IN CAR DRVING SINCE I WANNA GET MY LICENSE DESPERATELY
yeah. why am i always the last??
we walked around after 2 game of car racing and rachel bought like 4 pair of earrings and faith one.
rachel and faith decided to study for their test next week.
so me and raina went to heeren.
SHOPPING WITH RAINA IS SO LOVELY<3
she is such a good shopper:)
we walked the whole heeren in 2 hours cos SOMEONE WAS RUSHING TO CHURCH AND ABANDONED ME!!
yeah. but we were googoo-gagaing at all those lovely earrings.
i cant believe she actually spent $40 on earrings
thats craziness but, I AM HAPPY WITH MY EARRINGS:)
i really wanted to get identical earrings with raina, WE MUST GO OUT MORE OFTEN!!
butterflies, i am getting nuts.
WARNING: IF YOU GO OUT WITH RAINA, PLS REMEMBER TO BRING MORE MONEY OUT OF THE HOUSE.
yeah. HA!


raina brighten up my whole day.
thank you so much.
the bright star in my thick cloud dark night sky.
at least i see some hope in me.

for once i was late for cell
for once squeak waited for me
for once i didnt have to wait for squeak
for once i was late for cell
for once i wasnt early for cell
for once i didnt listen so hard in class
for once i sat in the back of the class for almost for the whole day
for once i cared so much about her
for once i saw her tears
for once i played the drums with confidence
for once i think i will be able to make it as a drummer
for once i thought that i would do that badly on the drums for gb day
for once i am looking forward to gb day
for once i had toasted cheese hotdogs for breakfast
for once i woke up without my alarm and still woke up relatively early
for once i thought i am going to fail my maths test one week before the test
for once i felt like crying for you
for once i wanna punch the wall so badly
for once i feel like cutting myself
for once i remembered that GOD dont want to hurt myself
for once i saw all my hurt in my day
for once i saw what life is all about, suffering cos good things never repeats and bad things will. like what lao shi said
for once i thought that i was really studious
for once i knew that everyone needed encouragement, including me
for once i thought that i shouldnt go on my slimming diet anymore. actually its not really a diet lar.
for once i thought that responsibilities are starting to pile up on me
for once i thought that i will explode anytime
for once i realised that i am also lonely
for once i realised that i couldnt talk to someone about everything that is bothering me but GOD cos he understands me the best
for once i thought of not trying to break school rules
for once i thought that i will die before o levels comes
for once i thought i wouldnt be able to make it to sec 4 even if i retain next year
for once i got my handphone changed
for once i am afraid everything in life
for once i just realised that i need to treasure every single minute or even second with my friends cos you dont know what is installed for you in the next minute or second.
for once i dont wanna leave this world with regrets, leave mgs with regrets
for once i really feel like changing church
for once i thought that no one cared about my existence
for once i thought like just falling flat on my face and end my whole life
for once i know that i need to pray like never before
for once i realised that i need to trust and give everything to the lord
for once i reflected about laoshi scolded us for 45 mins
for once i realised that i am not that bad as i thought
for once i thought that i am not good as everyone thought i was
for once i know that i must do everything to complete my dream
for once i feel like singing out loud
for once i realised that i am a dumbie who cant do anything to make someone feel better
for once i realised that even thought i crap alot of jokes and lame stuff, people still do get offended with my words
for once i realised that i do act and talk differnetly in front of everyone
for once i realised that i wanted to be original and creative in everything i do and wear
for once i thought that looks didnt really matter anymore, its the heart
for once everyone thought i was a studious, nice, lovely, sweet girl but i dissapointed you all, i am totally not
for once i dont wanna change myself and fit into any clique or group. i just wanted to be myself and if you dont like it, too bad.
for once i thought that life isnt that important
for once i thought no matter what you do in life, it will never be beautiful
for once i thought that i needed to get a degree and a master before pursuing my dreams
for once i thought that i needed to love you. you refering to the YOU who are reading this entry
for once i thought that it was time for me to return to the FATHER cos i have been a nuaghty girl


for once i thought so many things in 24hours
for once i thought i had to face reality big time
for once i realised that i am just running away to everything
for once i must really say I HATE DOREEN SOON
for once i agree that ITS THE END OF THAT GIRL
for once i totally agree that you should leave me alone in my dark corner where only i stand crying.
for once i thought that my post is really long and wordy
for once i am going to post such an entry
for once i leaving here all dissapointed about my life

I CANT READ AH LIAN LANGUAGE.
yeah.
jo was trying to be so lian on her entry.
HA!


SCHOOL TODAY, FUN!!
i got to eat FLORIDA's NATURAL nuggets,ORANGE in class with permission granted by mrs choo.
yeah.
$2.50 WORTH IT!!


i really dont know what to blog.
but i dont know what to do since i have totally no interest in the literature project we are doing.
cos i know nuts about english songs.
even if i knew some, they are just not needed in this project/assignment
i only know love sad songs.
we need life songs here.
so totally off.


i think lao shi is really nice.
though she often gives us lectures and scolding like for a whole 45 mins.
yeah.
i know its for our good.
i really hope i can score well in chinese.
cos that seem to be the next subject i have to confident with in my o levels next year with literature and physics, maybe emaths.
i think i should start studying for my end of years.
i have been slacking so much for history and ss
i so think i will be failing straight F9 for both of them and my mum will come along scolding me and saying how i should have taken geog and ss instead.
i am regretful sometimes that i took this combination.
but everything is in the lord's hand.
so no worries.


COUNT DOWN: 3 more days to my mum returns from korea
the day when i wouldnt feel bored at home.
yesterday, i was really slacking like siao at home.
i watched stained glass the whole afternoon.
got a little bored of it cos there was no one around, so decided that i would watch TV programme.
taiwan show, ruien's show.
i still sense this emptiness within me.
my sis is in my aunt's place.
my dad working.
both bro in there room.
maid doing chores.
i was all by myself, totally bored to death.
my computer was on password. so i cant get into it.


i dont know if i can still accept me for who i am.
dont wanna be a emo kid no more.

i am starting to find that she annoys me.
i dont know why.
its just like, one truth and the whole friendship is spoilt
how can things just come and go in a flash?
everything seems so weird between us now.
crap i just realised that i am making alot of typo error in this post.
its just like humans so close yet so far inside.
i guess finding out everything that she thinks i havent or will never makes me dont feel like being so close anymore
i dont wanna get hurt
i dont wanna feel that betrayed feeling inside me agina and again.
who likes being betrayed, hated and back stabbed?
i decided to close those doors that i once trusted you with.
i dont wanna get stabbed again by you
i dont know if to confront and just get everything off my heart.
but i know things aint as easy as it seems in life.
everything is just unfair and unsure.
i am not able to face you with that same attitude i used to have.
i am just not able to trust you anymore.


you may not be able to feel how i am feeling now.
you have just hurt me so many times that i choose to forgive you again and again.
but now, i learnt my lesson.
i will not trust you any longer

BOO!
i'm here. ok whatever doreen. i think i am just annoying.
my mum left for korea the day berfore yesterday which is also a monday.
yeah. somehow i just feel that more freedom is franted to me cos my mum is not here for the time being to watch over my every move and my dad only comes home at 9 or later.
yeah. i can watch and rush through my korean drama and borrow others to watch:)
green forest, my home
Full House
chang jin
top of the forbidden city i dont know if i should watch it


in school(literature lesson) now.
suppose to do some lyrics thingy now.
but it doesnt seem that anyone is doing it.
cos we got all the way to friday.


PE TODAY WAS SUPER FUN!!
i sprained my right thumb from catching emma throw and she hit the ball SMACK on my left eye.
i am suffering from 3 scratches from the impact of the ball to hitting my specs to my skin.
i pulled out the skin hanging there and the but got bigger.
THANKS DOREEN!


o level spa yesterday was so lousy.
i read the question wrongly, misinterpret it and end up doing the wrong thing.
THANKS TO DOREEN SOON ONCE AGAIN.
cant believe i am actually that dumb and blur to not notice that it was suppose to discharge the pink and not turn the solution to pink.
IDOIT
yeah. i know i am one.


I JUST FOUND OUT THAT ANGELA TEO'S BLOGNAME IS FUNNY BUNNY!!!
how lame.



worship practice yesterday was darn GOOD:)
SHARON SAYS HI <3
yeah. that was sharon.
back to where i was, jemma came down to coach us.
she taught me lots of stuff on drums.
SO COOL
i am so excited for this coming monday.


gottat go now :P
angela sucks.

GERMANY WON 3RD!!
ITALY WON 1ST:)
oh. i am not a fan of italy.
just that i supported italy after finding out that so many people wanted france to win.
its like the WHOLE WORLD support france.
so i decided to support italy.
and they won:)

CHEMISTRY IS SUCH A HORRID SUBJECT COS IT AINT NICE.
being determine to score well for a subject or to love a subject that will make you study for it for your tests and examnations or to even listen in class, you MUST HAVE A NICE TEACHER WHO CAN TEACH AND WNTS TO TEACH YOU!!!
yeah. got what i mean?

CHEMISTRY - horror of your life/:
[in school(english) now]

i thank isador for getting me such a lovely lollipop from her malaysia trip for me.
and a lovely footprint keychain that have my name on it PLUS its BLUE:)
THANK YOU!!
the lolly is bigger than my palm.
LOVE IT!!


I TOTALLY AGREE WITH SANGEE
dont watch high school musical.
its not that its not good, its actually quite good.
but the SONG GETS STUCK IN YOUR HEAD FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE
i like the basketball dance and song part.
the leading male actor cant sing.
but he sang best for the basketball part.
the show was really meaningful.
some people just liked the show for the dances and songs.
i did enjoy that too.
but its the meaning behind everything that set me thinking.
many people seem to didnt see that point.
i must break free from what everyone thinks i am and do what my heart thinks
that is that same to follow my heart.. and not my head


i think i got a throat infection cos my throat hurts like crazy but my voice is alright..
CRAP!!
i cant sing now..
just kill me if i cant sing.

<--- that girl there.
its BOA ok. yeah.
i know lots of people have bad impression about her.
but trust me, she is GOOD.
people thought that it was me with makeup on.
erm...EHEM.
just to tell you.
DOREEN DONT KNOW HOW TO PUT ON MAKEUP.
only lipgloss and balm for me:)


emaths test was alright but who really cares.
flunk it for all i care, cos i really dont give a damn about schooling now.


i attitude is starting to surface within me and many can see it now.
is it just me or that everyone feels that way?
sorry, emo people just gotta show attitude.
i am not emo.
just that no one knows..yeah
thoughts have been running through my mind so quickly that i cant exactly remember what i was thinking about.
have you seen the worst out of me?
bet you havent cos i dont even know when is the worst of me.
just now? now? later? always?
not that i dont wanna help no more, its just that i help too much and gain not even a smile on your face. thats why i am sick of it.
i cant force you to let me help you since you are not even helping yourself.
hurt myself or not?
i still am searching for an answer.
i know the one above will be hurt in either way.
hurt physically?
hurt emotionally?
hurt spiritually?
only he can give and take away.
but why am i full of hurt when i cant even explain why i am suffering?
or is it just an illusion?
illusionial feeling?
you must be joking.


TO THAT GIRL:
we are usually little in words.
just feeling each other's presence.
but i know that we know each other well enough that we dont have to say it out.
or is it just my wishful thinking again?
i know that i need to daydream at times and just feel the presence.
it like, i have already known you for forever.
that day was like i known you for life


a girl with attitude problem
pls dont come near.

after school, me and squeak went out.
not exactly actually.
we were thinking of all sorts of ways to waste time, cos we didnt wanna go home so early and school ended at 2 today.
so,
we walked all the way to KAP to just go window shop at colds storage.
yeah.
and we agreed that we GOT TO BUY SOMETHING
after a long walk in the supermart, we got 100gs of hotdogs which was cold, but cooked
irony. cold hot dogs..arent they already hot??
ok. i am talking rubbish again.
sorry, i forgot to take my 'MADDNESS IN CONTROL' medicine.
as said, i am from IMH:)
ok. i am so proud of that.
drifting away, anyway but to the point. KAP.
then i was thinking of walking all the way home but it would be madness.
squeak suggested to walk all the way to the colds storage at my place and buy something over here instead..
HA!
we abandoned both stupid ideas and i suggested that we will go the busstop and wait and only board the 5 bus we could take home.
but squeak wanted to take the nice, empty 67 which was the 2 bus then..
after i alighted from the bus, i went to colds storage at my place to window shop.
was waiting for my mum. yeah.
THE HOT DOGS ARE SO TEMPTING.
i wanted to buy another 100g for myself.
but, no.
doreen dont wanna get fat after losing 2 kg:)


emaths tmr.
i am getting mad.
thats it.
I HATE MATHS!!!
I HATE MATHS!!!
I HATE MATHS!!!
feel the hate for maths within me?
that applys to both E A maths.
shit. crap. damn it.


dont show me that attitude though i show it to you.
once my bad impression is on you, its going to take forever to go off.
this is going to THAT SHOLE!!
SHOLE?? ask me pls. i dont want the whole world to know.
competitive mind set. YOU SUCK.


if you really dont wanna teach me, just tell me and i will get my face off your wind screen and rear mirror

MY SECRET ADMIRER GAVE ME A BOX OF LOVE COOKIES!!
i love it.
thanks alot.


people asked me where i got my cookies from.
'From my secret admirer'
oh. SQUEAK baked you cookies?
HA!
the whole world thinks that squeak is the one who gave me the love cookies.
i dont mind receiving one box of cookies from her, but its not her:)
excuse me, i got a lot of secret admirers around ok.
and squeak is not only the one.
some thought it was rachel..HA!
my mum was so happy when she saw the cookies:)


gave my 3 darling seniors from my GB squad
VAL MEIJIN HANNAH
-a packet of gummy worms
-a box of cookies
WILL MISS YOU GUYS!
study hard.
will write a letter for you all sooner or later:)


school was ok today.
today's time flew past so past i could hardly breathe.
actually, thats nonsense.
how can i ever not breathe when boring school hours fly past like mad??
but it was a hectic and full of PRESSURE day.
had a test on PRESSURE for physics
then a chinese book test.
CHINESE CAN KILL.
i realise that i dont love chinese as much as i used to.
maybe cos i have been failing like crazy cos my teacher is so strict in the marking.
my mum nags.


worship prac was fun.
DRUMS MAKE YOU HIGH!
after i played it, i was getting really cranky.
yeah.
at least i found more joy playing the drums than those keys on that black and white instrument which bring total no life.
but i do miss going for piano lesson somehow and learning new classical pieces.
think about it, i cant even read notes now:(


my date with SQUEAK is coming once again:)
this friday over at HER house
you wouldnt wanna know what we will be doing cos you will just get SO jealous:)


haix. what to say.
i didnt expect you to end up like that.
just open up and pour your sorrows on me.
i will be able to lift up that burden with you, hopefully.
at least it wouldnt be so heavy on you.
friends for 7 yrs.
can you trust me?


TO THAT GIRL:
can i just give up everything i have and live the life i wanna live?
i dont wanna live life with such restrictions.
i ask you not to hurt yourself and instead pour everything on me.
but that doesnt mean i wouldnt hurt myself.
it hurts me to see you getting hurt, but i hope you will not see the hurt in me.
the hurt that hopefully will not surface out to you.


squeak, are you there?

went to bon's party yesterday evening.
i was shocked when i heard it was tommie's birthday too!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOMMIE:)
belated i mean..cos i am 24 hrs late:)


YESTERDAY
met baoqi, huiyu, jinwei, sarah at ngee ann poly.
i went to the busstop thou.
so many thoughts went thru my head then.
what will i be like if i study here in 2 years time?
what will i study?
all the poly life came to my head.
then baoqi called me and told me that they are at the traffic light which is almost 2 busstops away.
i WALKED ALL THE WAY DOWN.
luckly it was a down slope:)
we went town to get bon and tommie's present
reached town at like 6 and we reached bon's place at like 9.
yeah.
thats was how long the shopping for present took.
we cabbed to bon's place.
as there was 5 pple in the cab, and i was the only sec school student PLUS the smallest size there, i had to be under those shopping bags.
yeah. cos the uncle said only 4 pple to the cab and if we insist on 5, one of us must hide ourself or keep our head low.
fine, i was the one..
but it was a short journey thou, so it was ALRIGHT:)


dakor sprained his right ankle.
so we went home earlier.
EVERYONE IS EITHER SICK OR INJURIED IN MY FAMILY
why??


somehow i wish and dont wish that i would be the next one.
cos... ... .. . . . .
I DONT WANNA GO TO SCHOOL BUT I WANNA SEE MY FRIENDS!!!
thats how much i love you pple out there:)


i FINALLY got to eat TP ban mian today!!
ROCKS!!

WON 3rd for CHINESE SINGING COMPETITION!!
i am so happy.
would like to say a huge THANK YOU to everyone who made this possible:)
havent got my prize thou..
but WHO CARES!!:)


SQUEAK, i want another CHINESE singing competition!
so i can teach you more chinese songs:)


RACHEL SAID THAT BOA SONGS ARE NICE
boa can sing ok..


i am been slacking so much since school reopened.
i should pull my socks up and start pushing my specs up and be A NERD..ha!


I MOTIVATED SQUEAK TO STUDY AND LISTEN IN CLASS NOW
i am so happy:)
and my attitude towards teachers in school are just going down the drain.
its getting really bad.
those teachers i used to give lots of respect to are all fading away.
guess i just hate MATHS AND SCIENCE
but still love LIT to bits..
never regretted being a full lit student:)


yesterday was so FUN!
went to school
got my award for chinese singing competition[joanne was in my group thats why my name wasnt announce]
slacked thru all lessons
went for gb
SEC4 FAREWELL[will miss you sec 4 dudes out there:/]
meet up with squeak to go home together.
bath and went to squeak's busstop
went cg with squeak
meet crazy emma at cg and stepho
more open in cell now.
cell is so FUN
went home with squeak.


i am like so close to squeak now
like almost unseparatable.
meet rachel at the busstop yesterday.
we didnt plan too.
just saw her there..:)


GB,
WORSHIP COMM CHAIRMAN
feel so pressurising.
i will do my everything to make worship come alive once again in gb
like how it used to be in the past
how everyone look forward to worship...


SHAWN IS SO CUTE IN SPECS!!!
ok that is really random.
every since i saw a picture of him in specs, tie and those office dressing, i think he is SO CUTE!!
actually, i always thought that he was cute since he acted in i not stupid 2.
just that i didnt bother finding out what his name was..:)


I AGREE WITH LAO SHI THAT FRIENDSHIP REALLY NEEDS TO GO THRU FIGHTS AND STUFF.
just yesterday, i apologised to her twice.
for being so irrtating typing something on blog post and tore her lyrics paper into half in the bus..
cos i acutally dropped it at the bus door
and when the uncle open the door, the paper got stuck and i just pull so it became into 2 parts.
one on my hand, the other still in the bus.
i thought she would get really angry.
what she said was true, everyone needs a second chance.
thanks dear:)


PLAYING DRUMS FOR GB DAY
hope i can learn all my drum beats on my own by then.
THANK YOU JASPER for going to lend me his drum books.


so many tests next week.
chinese reading book test, emaths and physics.
SAVE ME!!
is that my youth day present??
whatever..


TO THAT GIRL
what will happen if one day you just walk out of my life?
you already walked into almost every part of my life and if you were to leave,
i dont know what i will do.
i know that is no such thing as FRIENDS FOREVER
i cannot be so naive to believe that there is.
i am all grown up.


TO THAT PERSON
slowly, i feel that you are already walking out of my life.
maybe you never ever walked into my life.
it was just my own wishful thinking
maybe the feelings i experience in the past were all just lies to myself.
i know that i dont need you.


going for bon's party tonight.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR!!