sighx. MATHS KILLS, really.
i really cant stand amaths.
its like such a killer.
sighx.
it killed me physically and mentally and i feel so dead now.
crap.

tomorrow will be an even worst day for me even though i am finishing school earlier compared to everyone else.
lessons end at 1230 and i would need to fly and eat my lunch and go for commendation awards' rehearsal.
then go for the actually award ceremony.
it will be boring i know.
but i have to go still.
and then, all these end around 4.30 to 5pm
i will be flying home after that and bathe and get ready for cantabile.
yep. i am going.
hope it would not be boring.
now, i dont even feel like going to school tmr.
CRAP

today is ending, tomorrow is coming
that means ITS GOING TO BE HOLIDAY AFTER TMR.
yeah, then i can sleep like a PIG:)
and revise for my exams like a crazy nerd.

so long for now, watching kim sam soon as i post this.
i know, i am nuts over this show like ... ARGH
the minute i came home, i just rushed to the compter and started watching.
ARGH!! HYUN BIN IS SO CUTE:)
going nuts again

ARGH

in school now.
sighx.

yesterday was such an unlucky day for me.
1stly, my sister got pissed at me for some stupid petty reason.
turning off the computer cos she was gaming instead of studying for her chinese CA3 the next day.
yeah.. weirdo.
then my asthma was like acting up again and was like damn itchy lar..crap.
it almost bleed again though..
yeah.
then, i was just painting like on cloth for someone.
was using acrylic paint but then decided to use nail polish instead.
then, i accidentally drop the bottle of BLACK nail polish on my WHITE TILED floor in my room and... shyte.
i thot the bottle is going to crack and break.
it didnt though, but it made my floor black.
i srubbed the DAMN FLOOR for 45 mins.
i used like watch and tissue pls cos i dont have a nail polish remover.
havent bought a new one yet.
i admit that it was a piece of art, the way the nail polish spill on the floor.
I FORGOT TO TAKE A PICTURE OF IT, cos i was panicking cleaning.
my leg were spotted with black nail polish as well.
so i went to the toilet to rub my hands and leg.
damn painful lar.
my mum realised whatever happened and she told me that we have tinner at home, which is also nailpolish remover just that it is in a bigger tin.
i was like thanks man, i srubbed everything out with my hands and my nails were dying.
after rubbing all the black paint off my leg, i wanted to use the hose to wash all the soap off, and i turned on the WRONG TAP, and water started to come out for the shower which was above me head.. thanks man.
i was all wet and soap were still on my leg...crap.
fine, i went to change and decided to sleep at 2152 since i am so tired after all the rubbing and cleaning.
i went to get mattress to sleep in my mum's room and then my HEAD HIT MY COUSIN's GUITAR.
it was a kids guitar but its damn painful lar..
sighx.
how bad can my day get man..
and i spent like a whole hour trying to find HYUN BIN's pic and only got like 10 of him...shyte.

rachel loves her daniel henney from my name is kim sam soon.
apparently, trina thinks he is cute too.
BUT I STILL LOVE MY HYUN BIN.
he look so much better than daniel(aka henry in that korean show)
sighx. they just like all those ang moh dudes.
I GO FOR ASIAN GUYS:)
HA!

my korean dream.
argh... i am totally going nuts..HA!

OH MY GOSH.
i seriously think that MY LOVELY SAMSOON IS SO DAMN NICE.
only letty disagree.
but who cares man.

check out the main leading male actor.
HYUN BIN!!


he is so damn hot pls.
SO CUTE:)HA!
my cut for korean guys.
i LOVE IT:)
HA! like what i told squeak, i wanna get married to an korean guy.
i dont know why but i just go high about korea as most of you know if you did read my blog often enough.
my 1st target when i start working will be save up for my 1st korean trip.
or maybe i should even go there and study.
so i cant stay there AS LONG AS I WISH:)

i going nuts over korea...ARGH!!
HA!
if i were given a chance to change one thing about myself, it would definately to BE AN KOREAN:)HA!
yeah.. HA!
sighx doreen...HA!
maybe i should give myself a korean name too...argh..

korea and being a korean is driving me nuts once again.

ENERGY XING REN LEI ALBUM OUT TODAY
how can everything turn out like that?
when one goes and the other comes.
i got nothing else to say since i spent all my heart and emotions typing on my actual entry that i was suppose to post.
and it just vanish out of my sight the moment i click publish post.
maybe GOD dont wanna be to post any too emo entries here.
so i really don t have the energy and time to grab all my emotions back when i type the entry to retype all over again, which i always do.
i am just glad that now, i have told the 3rd person about it.
so its just him and my memory that knows what my acutal post was about.
sighx.

gb tmr, i am feeling so sick that i dont even feel like going.
my mood is just going down that drain.. no maybe well..yeah.
hope for the better.
hope everything will turn out for the better.
i know he have his own reasons in setting this herdle for me to leap over.
I WILL OVERCOME.
shyte, the moment i think i will, its the moment i feel that i will never overcome it.
ARGH.
seriously, life sucks.
hope yours its not as bad as mine.
maybe life rocks, but to be more specific and correct, its only DOREEN's life that sucks and not a general statement.
so there you go.

now, no one to confide in.
i dont know.
maybe i just dont wanna talk about it.
but im happy that ANGELA TEO YU HUI always gives me little 'scoldings' when i become too emo on my blog.
thanks for that, angie.
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK JO TOO:)
for the testtube thingy. so sweet!
yeah.

belarbelarboo:)

school. hmm.
the place of joy and happiness?
minus teachers, homework and stress.
yeah. HA!
i really thankful for people around who makes me laugh :)
i know i make you guys laugh like crazy too..

MY LOVELY SAMSOON IS SUCH A NICE SHOW.
wo jiao jin san xiu in chinese that is..
ROCKS:)

so fake, my laughter.
the most terrible laughter i encountered in my whole entire life, today during chem..
i know that i was feeling really down and lousy cos I CANT STAND HER.
and i was forcing myself to laugh with em and jo.
shyte, its not good being fake.
i dont like myself being like that.
I HATE HER, can she just stop picking on me?
can SHE at least say sorry when she does the wrong thing?
why cant teachers apologise? i dont understand.
damn it, it was so bad.
i was cursing and swearing the whole time.
the F word almost came out.. almost.
until em reminded me that we are christians.. ARGH.
i was hitting the table during chem prac so much.
i know em and jo realised it.
i really wanna and was so tempted to throw that testtube on the floor, and clutch it so tight in my hand and allow it to cut me.
then i will throw another tube and pick up the remainings on the floor and shuff it into HER EYES for irritating me.
HATE YOU!!

sighx.
quite depressed hearing that this friday got no cell.
frastrations, i am sick of school
its like a never ending jail for your life.
though the friends there are so nice and stuff, some TEACHERS sucks.
they just come along your way in school and screw up your whole day.
180 degrees change in your emotions and how you wish she can just die the second she steps out of class..
*@#$*()^#)(*$)(*@#)&*^@%)#&*%^)@#&%^)!@&#%^)@&%^)@*&%^)!*#&%^)!@#%*&^!)#%*&^!#)$*(&!)(*^!#)*(%^!Y#)!&@^$)!@*($#(%*&)@!#%*!&_%!(#*&%_!(*%!&!@^
i shouldnt attempt to type any valgur words here..
ARGHh.

why whenever i feel that my life is turning for the better, that moment i thought that everything will be on the right track, it goes wrong and off track??
i am like in a car that cannot seem to find my direction.
whenever i think i am on the road to my destination, i see a roadblock.
life sucks.

LA:)

did my 2nd complain letter in my life today.
about ______
i will be so mean to the extent of putting her name here:)
oh, my 1st one was to mediacorp.
mediacorp approved mine, how difficult can this get.
but i really hopes it gets approved as well.
i am good in complaining...ME!!
shyte, i shouldnt be exactly proud doing that.. but who cares thou.
my letter: 941 words..WOOT!

I SHOWED MY UNDYING FOR LOVE FOR JOANNE LIM AT THE BUSSTOP THIS AFTERNOON.
witnesses: kwok and squeak.
HA! it was so funny.
squeak and i were on our way to KAP to study SS.
while walking there, we meet jo and kwok at the busstop.
then jo was talking to squeak, and i was like lying on jo's back + bag, pointing at jo behind her back while she say busy talking and mouthing the words 'SHE IS MY BOYFRIEND' to kwok who was sitting down.
she just sat there and giggle.
and i DONT EVEN KNOW WHY, i just decided to hug jo from the back and like embrace her on her waist.
OH MY GOSH, i didnt know she would have such a big response.
she was like EWWing all the way and jumped around.
HA!
kowk laughed like crazy and squeak was like do what did you do? why did you do that?.. HA!
it was so funny.
jo was busy cleaning her uniform with the pole at the busstop..sighx.
HA!
if people who didnt know me saw that, they must really think that i am a lesbian..HA!

yeah. and i am so upset with myself today cos i went KAP.
hello, count the calories..
its craziness.
lucky i shared a meal with squeak.
a student meal with her, so it aint that bad.
not like rachel, A WHOLE MEAL TO HERSELF :D HA!

i am so tired after translating almost a thousand english words to chinese.
HAIX!!
dying..

5 chapter of chem, 1 chapter of SS ..DOWN!

ok. enough of crap.
I LOVE JOANNE:)

crap

my back hurts.
argh.
the old damn injury.
dont ask me why i dont have a pmc and not doing pe.
its really painful, but its like i still can do pe.
condition not as bad as kwok's one lar..
didnt go for cell.
feel so sad.
i didnt didnt go cos squeak didnt go.
i didnt go cos of my back.. really.
i know my bag was damn heavy the minute i lifted it from my chair in class.
but i thought it would be alright.
i didnt feel any pain until i finish my 'mountain' climbing to my house.
yes, the road here is steep until cannot steep unfurther.
its like.. 50 - 60 degrees type eh.
the minute i knock on the door of my house, i couldnt help myself anymore cos i felt a deep pain coming from my back.
i dropped my bag immediately cos i couldnt left it up any longer.
my mum opened the door seeing me in this state.
i told her that my bag is damn heavy and my back hurts like crazy.
she asked me to stay at home and not go for cell..
yeah.
CME was fun today. HA!
now i know what i am famous for, lesbian and flirting.
thanks man.
last week, jo was like trying to give me roles of pple from taiwan serials.
and end up, out of any other character in shows, i get all the flirty guys who constantly surrounded by woman.
sighx jo.

i open the newspaper, i saw the article.
memories just rush to me, i almost couldnt take it.
why are you back?
i thought you did left for good.
my shock instead lead me to act happy infront of everyone else.
i will take everything as it still, just pretend that i dont know all the empty promises before and will still trust every word that comes out from your mouth.
since you choose to leave 2 months before, not letting me know anything, why did you still come back?
i got a aim in life now.
but, you came in at the wrong time.
now, i am afraid that you will screw everything up in my life like what you did the other time.
girl slowly recovering from the damage is going to be damage again.
crap.

back hurts are insane.
i think i will pop panadol again.
yes, i am addicted to it.
its like when i am in pain, panadol does it all.
its not very effective actually, its me mentally.
i used to eat 8 per day for 2 weeks.
cos of pain..yeahh.

i think i will change a blogskin soon.
i am sick of this skin.. i know.
this skin is just too.. hmm. doesnt suit my ARGH emo mood all over again.
blogskin hunting.

chemistry, 2 chapters down.
I HATE HOW TEACHERS ALWAYS SAY THAT WE WILL FAIL AND RETAIN NEXT YEAR.
not only fail and get retained, she sees the POTENTIAL in us to fail and get retained as a class.
pls, no one uses 'potential to fail' to motivate their students to study.
this only motivate them to not study and fail as a class.
i am so tempted to do so.
cos anyway, i am going poly and everyone thinks that poly is alr wasting one year of your life.. so who bothers?
i am not a guy so army dont affect my uni life.
SHUT THAT BIG RED NOSE UP

my mum signed by progess report for CA3 without saying anything.. phew.
i thot she will start commenting on the teachers' comment on me.
I NEED TO BE FOCUSED IN CLASS? i thought i was already very focused.. nvm.

its such a bad day and time to go SOUL fanclubs and download all the remaining songs they sang that the fanclub peeps had just uploaded.
cos i was like revising for emaths test and listening to their song.
i end up looking blankly at the slide/video and concentrated my head on their songs.
my head was like picturing whatever i could remember of the finals i watched on tv that fateful saturday.
that saturday which marked their future..
i really regretted that they did win.
i really regretted not calling more..sighx.
so many pple thought that would win thou.

i just realised something.
the more you are on a diet, the heavier you get.
i think i got heavier... SHYTE.
yeah. i dont know. i just keep on thinking that i am going fatter and fatter.
and everyone thinks i am thin.. i look thin but i am not.
i really am so tempted to go slice off all my muscles on my legs.
they are too much that i am getting sick of it.
cos it make me weigh so much heavier than i am suppose to be.
MUSCLE ARE HEAVIER THAN FATS.
i think not all turf club pple are fat. they are just heavy.
yeah. so in other words.
those pple who are light doesnt mean they are skinny, they can have more fats than a person who is muscular and have a little fats(cos she is a human being??HA!).
yeah. so now i do get lydia's logic on why she has lots of fats and she is on a diet.
i understand, you just need muscle.HA!
but to think of it, without those muscle i have, i would be really underweight.
i will be like 39-40kg.
really!! not kidding.
cos my leg muscles are so big and disgusting..
my cousin will poke it and say 'why is it so hard?'
sighx. same goes for my bottom..haix
meijin always say its hard..
pple think muscles are cool i use to think so.
but now, i dont want anymore leg muscle cos my thighs muscle is bigger than the level of my knee.
you know what i mean.

totally disgusted.

i dont think i will go on a diet.
i will go on a FRUIT diet:)
eatting fruits for recess from now onwards:)

confession to make

DOREEN GOT A CONFESSION TO MAKE.

i officially confess that...
I REALLY DO LOVE RACHEL LIN JIA :)
muacks** you made my day as well..LOVE<3

DROP IT AT MY COMMENTS AT THE END OF THIS ENTRY.
COMMENTS ARE THE WORDS IN RED..

WHAT IF:
» I committed suicide:
» I said I liked you:
» I kissed you:
» I lived next door to you:
» I stole something:
» I was hospitalized:
» I ran away from home:
» I got into a fight and you weren't there:

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT MY:
» Personality:
» Eyes:
» Face:
» Hair:
» Clothes:
» Mannerisms:

[1] Who are you?
[2] Are we friends?
[3] When and how did we meet?
[4] How have I affected you?
[5] What do you think of me?
[6] What's the fondest memory you have of me?
[7] How long do you think we will be friends or enemies?
[8] Do you love me?
[9] Have I ever hurt you?
[10] Would you hug me?
[11] Would you kiss me?[12] Would you f*** me?
[13] Are we close?
[14] Emotionally, what stands out?
[15] Do you wish I was cooler?
[16] On a scale of 1-10, how nice am I?
[17] Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
[18] Am I loveable?
[19] How long have you known me?
[20] Describe me in one word.
[21] What was your first impression?
[22] Do you still think that way about me now?
[23] What do you think my weakness is?
[24] Do you think I'll get married?
[25] What about me makes you happy?
[26] What about me makes you sad?
[27] What reminds you of me?
[28] What's something you would change about me?
[29] How well do you know me?
[30] Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
[31] Do you think I would kill someone?
[32] Are you going to put this on your journal and see what I say about you?

The Most Powerful Book in America
They lie on the table side by side

The Holy Bible and the TV guide.

One is well worn and cherished with pride.

Not the Bible, but the TV guide.

One is used daily to help folks decide.

No, not the Bible, but the TV guide.

As the pages are turned, what shall they see.

Oh, what does it matter, turn on the TV.

Then confusion reigns, they can't all agree

On what they should watch on the old TV.

So they open the book in which they confide.

No, not the Bible, but the TV guide.

The Word of God is seldom read,

Maybe a verse as they fall into bed.

Exhausted and sleepy and tired as can be;

Not from reading the Bible, from watching TV.

So then back to the table side by side,

Lie the Holy Bible and the TV guide.

No time for prayer, no time for the Word,

The plan of Salvation is seldom heard.

But forgiveness of sin, so full and free,

Is found in the Bible, not on TV.

Choose which book will rule your family.

~The author is unfortunately "unknown"~

as my bros eat their dinner, i should take the opportunity to blog:)
isnt it a beautiful poem, which makes you think about your spiritual life with the father.
yeah, this is the nice poem i was talking to xiang about on my tagboard.
and the one that was read out during prayer meeting last week if you missed it.
though i dont watch tv alot, but i guess it applies to me as well.
pls start to read your bible if you feel gulity after reading the poem.
its a love book specially written for us:)
HE loves you:)

CA3 results are back.
i am actually quite ok with my results.
i did improve.
but i know i still didnt try hard enough.
i am actually quite pleased with my L1R5 but not av. marks and msg.
but seeing that everyone is class are so depressed over their results, its selfish, cruel, evil, terrible of me to cheer when i see improvement in my results.
i cant.
i only can start saying how i am actually so far from straight As.
i mean, i actually will never expect my results to be all As.
that is total craziness.
just a feel here and there lightens me up, but i dont deserve to feel like that.
everyone is so depressed, how happy can i get.
hence, i end up being in a more 'sighing' mood compared to everyone else.
yeah, my emotions are easily swayed by people around me.
everyone's mourning, but before i know it, they all stop while i cont to mourn for them.
RESULTS
english B4
chinese C5
emaths A1
amaths F9
chemistry B4
physics C5
SS/history F9
literature A1
L1R5= 15

if you did notice, my results are like B4 C5 A1 F9 and the other half is the same.
its repetition... ok so literature.
yeah.
now i hate myself.
if i did studied a LITTLE harder for chem and physics and practice a LITTLE harder for amaths, i would have pass Amaths and use my chem and physics to help me cover up for my DUH WILL DEFINATELY FAIL SS/history.
tell you, i HAVENT PASSED HISTORY in a long time.
only once in sec 2.
i dont know why i even take 1/2 history..DAMN
but no matter what, i still will thank the FATHER up there for my results and all glory and honor to him.
without him, i dont even know if i could study in MGS.
FATHER, YOUR GRACE IS TOO GOOD FOR ME.
AN NEVER ENDING FOUNTAIN OF GRACE for me.
i love you.

I DONT NEED THE TV GUIDE NOW.
i need the bible, GOD and his strength and wisdom to start studying for my end of years.
and now, i hit those books again.
1st subject, CHEMISTRY(dont ask me why this sub)

lalala:)

now i know why no matter how tired, weary, sian i get on fridays, i still will drag my feet to CELL.
COS I LOVE CELL!!
CELL 1 2 3:)
yeah.
yesterday cell was wonderful beyond wonderful.
i just love the way i can so carefreely get all my answers in life answered just like that.
just open your mouth and people will be there to help you out.
THANKS PEEPS:)
i thank GOD for emma for bring me to cell.
i thank GOD for squeak for always encouraging me to cell even when i really feel tired.
cell is a time of refreshment during your time of weariness.
I SO WANT A CELL BLOG:)
i think me and squeak will do it..
SO FUN.

dear father,
you are so great.
a burden lifted from me, i feel so wonderful again.
in your presence, i never fail to have that smile of joy on my face.
I LOVE YOU.
i wanna spent time with you more and more each day.
i live for you.
I WANNA SEE YOU MORE.
i will be that light for you in the darkness.
sing your name always, i walk beside you.
yearn for the day to see your face:)
your daughter, doreen

SCHOOL TEST PRESSURE.
haix.
terribly horrible way to spent your weekend.
my back aches again.. SHYTE.
and i am not an old granny XIANG!!
SHE ringringring is such a turf song to sing..
haix.
randomness i know.

I AM SO HAPPY FOR THIS TERM.
SAY HELLO TO A1 TO EMATHS AND LITERATURE.
HA! i am so glad that my lit is constantly improving.
I LOVE MRS LEONG.
if it wasnt for her, i would get an C5 for literature cos she didnt receive my assignment email.
THANK YOU:)
i really hope i at least score a B for chinese.
its really rare to get a B in my class for chinese.
lao shi is so strict.
BUT WE WILL IMPROVE:)
oh, and i got a FLAT F9 for AMATHS AND SS/HISTORY, i think.
why must i somehow get an F somewhere in my report list.
even end years, i would still probably see my SS/HISTORY still with the red mark..
sighx.

LALALALA!!
tata.

I CANT BELIEVE THIS.
i rush home just to do english homework.
have to hand it up by 10 tonight.
but i will be at cell
so need to rush through it now and send it to mrs choo.
sighx.
and i am sending for angela, emma and squeak.
sighx.. HA!

drill was okay lar.
i know know how stressful my seniors used to spent time to teach me drill..
sighx.
pri 2 kids are cute, but can be annoying at kids.
if i need to face them everday, i will just scream at them and get really angry.
but once in a while, and moreover they are pretty cute.
can enjoy them sucking up to me at the same time.
but the way some of them do that is just .. gross.
HA!
repeated the same commands again and again for a whole 2 hours.
i didnt know stacey took drill course..
i still did all the commands.
i am so THRISTY NOW still after drinking 1/2 of my mini bottle water:)

sighx.
gtg go prepare to go for cell.
CHEMISTRY TEST IS REALLY TURF
and i got so many test to complete and study for next weeks.
second thoughts about going for caps ball and cell tmr at TP.

so sian..

yes. i think they shouldnt give us hols in the middle of the week.
maybe one like wed to fri.
weekends would feel so much longer.
really dont look forward going to school on friday:/
but relax pals, i would still drag my heavy feets to school.

we are having school hols too often that i am getting scared of hols now.
founder's day, elearning, national day... coming sep hols.. ITS FREAKING ME OUT.
not cos of too little hols or too happy that i am freaking out, i am freaking out cos i dont get to go to school.
i am freaking out for my studies.

SOUL SOUL SOUL SOUL!!!
OH MY GOSH. you never know how crazy i get over them.
the 1st thing i do when i come on to the computer is to go to my music folder and listen to their music.
yes. i went to download all their tracks from some crazy SOUL fanclub.
HA! how lovely...
i visit their blog everytime i come online.
and watch their LOVELY performances everything on you tube.
I LOVE YOU TUBE:)
THEY CAN SING i am saying this again.
just that they are dancing at the same time and ya, you know how ALOT of singers/bands actaully lip sing when they dance.
NOT ENERGY NOT SOUL.
but THAT band i mentioned to lydia the other time.
you all should know who:)
i went to get like TONS of their pics and ALFRED's too.
SO CUTE!!!
me and lydia was just talking about the FREDs the other day..HA!
she cant beat me in debating .. HA!
I WANNA WATCH SOUL AGAIN AND AGAIN NON STOP:)
[this is super random, i just feel like typing it]

national day.
its not such a OH I MUST WATCH FIREWORKS to me.
as usual, i dont watch the parade cos its the same every year.
and tell you truthfully, i dont see anything so nice about fireworks.
its just me, but i know a whole lot of people love it.
but surprisely, this time, i watched the back part of the parade.
the part of the fireworks.
all i could say is, alot of colours in the dark NO STAR night sky in singapore.
yeah.
i only like the reflection dance thingy the kids did in the beginning i think.
that was pretty cool..
I LOVE THE SCHOOL's NATIONAL DAY CELEBRATIONs:)

and i am so bored at home.
other than listening to 933, cos my stupid cd player is down AT THE WRONG TIME, all i do is EAT
which is so bad.
i just gained 1/2 kg, shyte.
i must really push myself to go on a HUGE DIET.
and i hate mozzies.., i got so many bites...ARGH
JUST TO TELL YOU PEEPS OUT THERE. I DONT SLEEP IN AN AIRCONDITIONED ROOM.
my room is already FREAKY COLD with the fan at speed 3 and the werid thing is, my room is cold 24/7.
yeah. its never warm.
thats the only part of the house that i cold when it still gets the morning afternoon and evening sun..WEIRD.
oh. and i CANNOT SLEEP WITH THE AIRCON ON TOO OFTEN.
cos i would have a terribly back the next day.
and i wouldnt be able to sleep the following nights cos i cannot lie down.
and my dumb leg will be all ache the next day i wake up, its just weird lar.
the whole leg just cant move and i will just tear.. yeah.
SHYTE.

I WANNA DANCE:)
lalalalala.
opps, thats singing...but, WHO CARES:)
i love both and i LOVE my beautiful mood today.
hope nothing can BRING ME DOWN:)

anyone wanna hear SOUL's song?
anyone wanna watch SOUL dance..
i really feel like putting it on my blog.
ok, no need to protest.. HA!

OH SO colourful entry.
cos i just realised again that MY BLOG IS SO un-coloured

whatever

had national day celebrations today.
it was .. ok lar.
our class got so high.. HA!
too bad for peeps who didnt come to school.

went orchard with my clique minus genia plus lydia.
sighx.
just to tell you guys, we havent went out as a clique yet.
then, vera decided to watch lakehouse with vitoria and left at 12 ++
trina and lydia decided to go and check timings for click.
faith disappeared to wisma alone.
raina acutally planned to leave to watch tokyo drifters with mil at 2 but end up she left at 1 ++
ME AND RACHEL, poor us.
i know you guys must be thinking that i was totally joking when i said that i dont wanna ever go out in a clique outing, i am DEAD serious.
to me, clique outings are a waste of time for me now.
it was a total different thing last time.
its like, we go out together but we end up doing totally different stuff.
its more like, we come out to have clique meals/lunching.
like some family gathering.
i agree with vera, if this continues, we will just not bother talking to each other next year.
and how true is that? we will see.
i shouldnt post too much about what i feel about US here, its not very nice and just ask me if you want.
now, i am starting to even wonder why did we even come together and become a clique in the 1st place.

enough of the WADEVER clique talk..
i actaully ate so much and spent so much today at town.
i admit that i was spending on impulse and i am spending cos i very 'bu shuang' if that is how you spell.
i am like pissed off over the whole outing.
i rather go out with other people.. who should consider everything again.{US}
i am not very good in venting anger cos everyone thinks that i am just playing around, so i end up hurting myself.
so now you know its not good being a jokey person, everyone dont believe in your moods.
i bought a
- fox top
- white tube
- button studs
- earrings
and i ate like so much that i feel so disgusted with myself.
i am going to really not hit 40kg like that..

SIGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh
ok. now i dont understand myself.
how can anyone cry when they see people they like performing??
it like, ok.. its all back.
sighx. i dont wanna feel like that.
cos of the issue that spoil my whole mood.

should talk about something i like. SOUL:)
THEY CAN SING OK, TRINA!!
cos you dont watch all their performance..
i really hope they do come out a album and perform more often..
PLS TELL ME OR TAG ME IF YOU SEE THEM IN MAGAZINES!!

DANCE it, DRAW it, SING it, VENT it out.

ARGHH

I TOOK ALMOST FOREVER TO DO THIS BLOGSKIN.
yeah.. HA!

HEADACHE KILLS.
trust me.
even though everyone usually use head as an excuse of being 'sick', i HATE IT.
i am like dying here while i do my blogskin, surf for SOUL and type this entry..

i will miss superband though.
i am becoming more and more siao over SOUL.
i went to watch all their performances on YOUTUBE, DL their pics and songs, went to their friendster site, their blog...SIGHX DOREEN.
i really hope they do get a contract too.
THEY CAN SING.
just that they need some chinese class...
but they inproved so much since the auditions..HA!
I AM SO BORED AT HOME.
wanted to study.
but i will do that only like in the afternoon when i know what work i need to complete..

believe it or not, i almost wanted to make my blogskin SOUL.
so be thankful that i decided to be hazel's 1st drawing here.
AHha!
and be thankful that i was sick, i will just probably rattle over SOUL NON-STOP!
and start telling everyone how they COULD ACTUALLY HAVE WON if it wasnt for the technical problem.
i feel so ARGH for them.. but, RUNNER UP usually do better:)

i need to feel unemo or super high.
and the only way to do that is, to be crazy over celebrity that i will so impossible be able to meet in my life..HA!

I LOVE HAZEL
I LOVE SOUL

HEADACHE.
yes. for once its real this year.
HA!
i tossed in bed for 3 hours yesterday.
from 1am to3am.
crap.
cos i drank coffee for breakfast, milk tea for lunch and coffee for dinner.
yeah. i am mad.
thats why i was so high during superband.
i kept on dancing away...
before i forget.


SUPERBAND: SOUL






quite disspointed that they werent the winners.
but THEY WERE RUNNERS UP
THEIR DANCING IS SO GOOD PLS.
they have the SO ENERGY feel.HA!
called 8 times for them
more than renfred.
ALFRED IS SO CUTE.
me and my mum are crazy over the freds..HA!
they are so cute pls.
SOUL ROCKS MAN!!


didnt go church.
slept from 9 to 2pm...
i messed up my sleeping time again.
YEAH.
no more emo-ness in me i hope.


HAZEL i am going nuts

DOREEN GOT A NEW INTEREST
hazel is all i need.
yesterday before i sleep, i was drawing.
today i woke up i looked for hazel, spent my whole morning on it.
drawing helps my whole world go round.
i found a new way to express my feelings within me once again.


i used to think only blogs and my diary are the only tools that help me express my burdens,worries in my life.
pinching, biting, spending money, eating like crazy, crying, writing letters could help relieving the pain within me.
but i realised that drawing expressed alot on how i view things now.
how i feel.
i guess my moody-ness and emo-ness have lead me to draw better than i ever thought.
after finishing my first drawing today, i realised that my drawing is emo as my person is.
sighx, whatever.
i finally knew what i was drawing.
i finally knew what my mind was thinking
i finally understood what my heart was feeling.
but i hope it wasnt too late to realise it.
my drawing --- very piccaso.
i like piccaso though..HA!
but i dont know how did i ever manage to draw like that?!
its like i just keep on drawing very random pictures around.
and when i begin to look at my picture with a much closer look, i saw images...
yeah.. you got to see it for yourself.
as for when will you get to see it, in school i guess.
i promise to show someone 1st before i show anyone other than my sister and mum.
yeah.
i will probably use it for my next blogskin..


i love hazel.
i feel so close and connected to her.
YES, its a her..
but the depressing thing after i finish one page of drawing, i think it look so UGLY.
yeah. i dont know why.
its like.. i could have done better but i already messed it up.
i feel that everytime when i wanna make it look better, it always look worse.
it applies the same to my life, whenever you think that by doing this you will make your life better.
but later, you see yourself so miserable cos you dont know what you did.


rean's red ear.
i wanna see rean once again.
the rean i always knew in my whole life.
i wanna see her back to her usual self again.
REAN! come back pls.

I HATE MYSELF FOR ALWAYS DOING SO BADLY FOR THE SUBJECTS I AM SUPPOSE TO EXCEL IN.
SHYTE.
i dont assure any more nice happy entries coming from me at this point of time.
how can i even fail such a basic chinese paper?
my mum better not hear any of these.
she would probably chop my head off and stop me from speaking english at home.
i mean, its not to either just pass chinese or almost but barely past it.
I WANT MY A1.
it seem to be too far for me to reach since i am still stuck in my stupid D7
if my mum knows everything about my chinese in school, she will just start saying how our family are chinese educated and how we are all suppose to get distinction for chinese all the time and that we are such a disgrace since none of my slibings have gotta any A1s for chinese.
PLUS i am in a chinese church and i odd to know chinese better.
sighx, pressure and stress are starting to climb over my life.


SQUEAK SAID THAT I FEEL THINER.
YEAH!
HA!. cos she poke my shoulder today and she could feel my bone.
i mean, she always could but less flesh this time.
i was thinking being 40kg is good for my height right??


'i believe in you'.
so, who do i believe in this world?
i dont even believe myself let alone anyone else.


and jo says, no emo blog entries from do.
so is this emo or not.??
crap. everyone is starting to take note of my blog for being emo.
thats is quite a bad reputation right?
your blog getting read by others cos its emo...haix.
so pls dont come here too often when you are in good mood.
until this emo-ness have fade away.


DOREEN GET A CONFESSION TO MAKE!!!
i wanna tell those people that i really love them for who they are and that they have played a important role in my life.
i wanna take hold of this opportunity here before i dont have anymore.
1.SQUEAK
2.rachel
3.trina
4.lydia tan
5.raina
6.vera
7.faith
8.genia
9.angela
10.emma
11.joanne
12.elieen
13.sharon
14.mildred
15.huiyu
16.baoqi
17.isador
18.isabel
19.cassandra
20.hannah heng
21.patricia lobin
22.nanjie
23.gracelim
24.letitia
25.cheryl
26.dawn chik
27.jingshan
28.zhijing
29.jiaen
30.rachel khoo
31. rachel khoo(cousin)
32.charlene
33.shermain
34.teresa
35.bonnie
36.hwaimay
37.sam
38.amanda mak
39.amanda loh
40.magdalene
41.monica
42.juliana
43.rachel ong
44.tham
45.vitoria
46.jillian
47.selene
48.krystal
49.iris
50.tiffany
51.alicia
52.ally
53.vicky
54.
and many more that i cannot think at this point of time.
its not in order.
its just names that popped into my mind.
i wanna thank you for being joy into my life before and starting a friendship with me.
even though some of us may not be talking to each other now, but i am still happy that you were part of my memory.
yes. i thank GOD for you giving me history and nice memory which i can think about and laugh at now.
i am so thankful for meeting you in my life.
YES, THANK YOU:)

HAIX.
i just post a happy entry.
like? i am just afraid that i will turn emo later.
HMM.


I JUST LOVE TO BE A FOOL IN CLASS AND CRAP LIKE NO ONES BUSINESS.
SO FUN.
i love school.
mummy say i ai yan.
guess so..HA!
literature seems to be quite fun now.
criticising all the weird english singers i never heard before and the songs that i may never hear again in my life cos it doesnt even interest me a little at all.
ANGELA TEO IS SUCH A RETARD.
JO SAYS SHE FEELS TALL just because i am sitting beside her.
I KNOW THAT.
so maybe i should feel short beside jo...
WHATEVER JOANNE LIM BOO BOO.


i cant wait for next week.
3 DAYs of HOLIDAY:)
JOANNE IS A RETARD AS WELL.


ok. i dont exactly feel like updating this entry but i will just post it since i really wanna to lighten up the mood on my blog.
as angela says so.

SUCKS SUCKS SUCKS
i am getting so ARGH about school now.
everyone is turning mad here.
i am going nuts over end of year.


PE was good thou.
even though i didnt even do PE, but its ok.

miss the happy me?
i am happy infront of everyone in school
but my emo-ness is always in my house, in my mind.
in this corner of this room in my house in front of the computer, my emo place.
and so is my room and my bed, where my tears are most often seen
sighx.


its the point of time where i can give up everything i posess for everything i cant buy
friendships, experiences, relationships, love ..
chrisitianity, i want to be a faithful chritian who is not easily shaken by the thoughts and standards of this world.
im just timid to show my faith and start telling of his name, THATS ALL.
all i want is to tell you that there is a person always there for us and we really need him.
i want to save you.
i will regret my whole life if i didnt.
but as said, i am too timid and i dont wanna spoilt the friendship made.


will HE see the pain i am going through?
seeing the black and white of my lives, which is usually coloured with grey-ness.
can i ever see your face?
cos i really yearn for that day to come.
i wanna be close to you.
letting go of this world, holding on to you.


if during a religious war, a person asks you if you believe in christ. will you nod your head and proclaim that you are a child of GOD?
if that person took out a gun or knife to ask you to answer that question again, will your answer be the same and as determined as before?
you probably be shaken quite a bit and dont know how to answer.
YES OR NO.
LIE OR TRUTH.
you survive or not, depends on your answer.
i want to be the one that shouts the YES into that man's face.
everyone would be able to say YES now as the situation havent occured, this applies to me as well.
but if that really happens, what will my answer be?
i just wanna live this life for HIM and stand firm in my faith, DONT betray him for my life and comfort. but stand firm as i wanna spent my forever with him.
FATHER, help me.


i am quite postive that i would the few girls that would be questioned what subject i need to drop in order to get promoted to sec4.
or either ' doreen, you have to retain'.
the best thing is ' doreen, we cant accept you in this school any longer.'
woah.
i am so going to fail FLAT for Amaths, Emaths, Physics, Social Studies/History.
Thats 4 subs.
thats 50%.
i cant be scoring 100% for the rest right.
i am not confident in chinese as well.
i cant study too hard.
but i cant dont study
cos its always the case that i study too hard, and i fail like crap.
and i dont study as hard, and i pass.
I HATE IT. life is so unfair.
so am i suppose to study hard or just slack through the end of years?
i really wanna go sec 4 like everyone else.
start to think of it.
i am only confident in literature.
my past confidence in physics and chinese have led me down time and time.
physics? i have been passing by i failed the previous one.
ARGHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


the anger inside me cannot be subsided.
I HATE HER,doreen.