CLASS PARTY

going for 2t'o5 class party later
i dun wanna play all those dirty stuff faith has in mind
but i bet trina will sabo me
i think we have like too much food
cos everyone is bringing something
ha
hope i will not get bored
cos once they start watching movies... i will be getting out of there
yep. most probably

today woke up at around 8 plus
jumped out of bed cos i thot it was past 10 liao
then called faith up and told her wad i was bringing
then she asked me for the time
i was like 10 plus
she also jumped a little
cos she was sleeping
but i then checked the stupid clock again...yes its 8 not 10
then checking through all my emails
got to lydia's one
about the friendship oath thingy
its so touching
cos i am sort of in....not so happy mood now.
haha.
THANS LYDIA
actually i am already starting to miss my class already.
dun ask me why
its just so werid going to school and not seeing the whole 2t there
only trina mak angie melissa vera
haiz.

last day of sch

felt somehow moody today cos its the last day of school that also means the starting of the 2 months holiday but i am not really looking forward to that i am more afraid about next year wad if my clique splits up cos we all are in different classes? a lot pple from our class commented that our clique is getting more distant not that close and united like the past i suppose maybe cos everyone is thinking very differently from each other
but really hope that no matter wadeva happens,
we still can stay together as one
today in school was really...fun
i was quite a loner in school today
like sitting there all by myself
and i think pple do realised it cos its so not me
so they came over
i just dun wanna forget the noise 2t'05 makes
its just so...happy
sherylyn faith rachel were really nice by giving me little notes that i never received before
as in i never received notes on the last few days of school
had drill today
and just realised that my voice is really failing on me
its going off
sprain my knee cap yesterday
i dunno how i did it
I AM GOING GYM ON SUNDAY
yep. at last!
and i say BYE to all my excess fats
and HALO to all the new muscles
i realised that my arm muscles are growing
ha...dun get jealous

TO TRINA
for wadeva happened today, i didnt mean it to place all the wallets there
but i never thot of taking it with me as well
cos i thot you guys will be worried not seeing your wallets there
rach and i also didnt mean to go to another station by ourselves
cos ms tang ask us to go there
and i really didnt know where you guys were
i didnt know by placing wallets there caused you such a great reaction
or izzit not winning the game?
but rach and i also cannot play the games as well
i didnt want to answer you back when you said that emma needed her wallet cos she hurt herself
cos i really dont wanna spoil this friendship over such a matter
i thot you were really going to be really pissed with me all day long
almost cried if you didnt realised
cos its like so not you to get angry over this issue
if i have said anything wrong here, excuse me.
cos i really dunno how to phrase it

results results results

felt little werid today in school
maybe cos ruth wasnt there
haix
had a WATERMELON eating competition
was suppose to finish 4 watermelons
stacey raina rach faith vera trina jingshan mary angie emma GENIA and me
the watermelons were...YUMMY
it was like super juicy and sweet
its a pity i couldnt eat it cold and slowly
we were the 1st group to finish all though
but that SL came on asking us to finish those we dropped
so end up dunno wad placing also
i am still SO FULL
1st time eating so much watermelons and seeing so many people fighting to eat watermelons
its like we were poor people who didnt have food to eat for days and we are fighting over watermelons
haha
now i really now how fortunate i am
dun think i will like eat watermelon until a weeks time
ha.

my results were....ok lar
not comparing to others...DUH
to me myself and doreen
ha
improved again...
all subjects except pw
really a great achievment
yep
its really diffcult to improve all 10 subs you know
really happy actually
and the comments/remarks i got from the teachers were alright lar
heez
i joined SHAKE IT[some dance thingy] with rachel
i got quite excited when i heard that we were learning hip hop dance
at least we are learning it and not displaying it right?
hope we really will get all SHAKED up

heard alot of those sad and touching songs today
so maybe i am more emotional today
fine, i AM always full of emotions everyday

TO RACHEL AND GENIA AND FAITH
you all are really sweet by giving me all those small little notes to me
i sort of realised how important friends can really be

TO MY CLIQUE[plus lydia and ruth]
i really hope we all can still meet up and hang out together occansionally next year even though we will be in different classes
hope we will be still in touch with other and our friendship will just last
THANX A LOTs
LUR YA LOTs

DEPRESSION AMBITION

DEPRESSION
symptoms: headache, see no purpose in life, often feel like crying, bad mood all the time
recently heard alot about this illness these few days
dunno if i really have it or not
all i know that i will need to take some medication
it is like some medicine that will like you sleep
so you wouldnt think of all the nonsense
which i think would never work
what if that person appear in your dreams?
then how?
are you suppose to sleep in your dreams?
werid
i think alot of people are suffering from depression recently so many pple have been talking about it
that fine day when i decided to listen to yes933
the DJ was also talking about depression
is everyone out there like really sad, depressed and all?
like me?

AMBITION
an ambition to big for me to fulfill
yep.
but i think HE wants to me to fulfill that big ambition of mine
i actually had the thought of joining superstar
it was until i heard that my very pro singing friend joined it as well
then i decided not to
ha....WERID
wad will i do when i grow up?
you all must be thinking that i am only 14 and my job/ambition can wait
but i am going poly
and i wanna settle what i will do next time
cos i need to know if i have to be bothered with my lousy results or not
then why do i have to study?
what am i doing in school?
i guess its to have at least a job next time if i really cant excel in anything else
like maybe, sit in an office
so not me
i wanna do music...really
all the chances that are given to me have just come and go like that
like the talentime we had in school last year
i was suppose to go audition with charissa tham
we had a agreement
but somehow, we didnt go
i dun remember why now
my lawyer ambition have just flown out of the window
cos a dumbo like me can never make it to a lawyer
you need the BRAINS
i just have to accept the fact that not one person can do well in all aspects
studies music arts
you have to be slightly better and weaker at one of another
for me, i guess its the music and arts
from singing in orchard to learning piano to the thought of writing songs now
i think i really do still have a long way to go
anyone who wanna go for the NUS open house?
i really wanna go and check it out

game game game

played football in school today
i just realised thats most probably my best sport
cos i played it since i was really young
and its a guy's game
i also realised that i am a average goalkeeper
ha
got really pissed with 2m
but i am really fine now
maybe i wasnt as pissed as the other time cos they lose to 2E in the finals for the world cup
they won the asian cup though
but who cares
2E rawkz over 2m
DUH>>>>
so damn rough bunch of pple who dun haf sportsmanship although they are sports pple
what is coming to the earth man
sighx
i really hate them, too much
haiz
anywaes, lets forget about them
did my subject combination thingy today
trina and raina got their lovely 9 sub combination
see...there are really smart pple
i feel so dumb suddenly beside them
rachel, faith, sharon, angie have the same combination as me
ha
had a long day today
cos drill again school
and i am losing my damn voice already
PLUS PLUS
i am the timer
so it like i cannot dun go for a practice cos if not my poor contingent wouldnt have any timer
haix
actually my contingent is pretty alright lar
just that i dun have any pals there at all
no sec 2 pals to talk to
so i am pretty quiet there
which is so not me in school
haha.

i really wanna let you go
trying hard to
but will i eventually let you go and continue my life?
i just want the memories we had together
is that really asking too much of you
just not to take everything away?
only the sweet nice memories will do
you can keep all those pretty gifts
i will really miss you
but will you?

sighx. boring day.

today was a B-O-R-I-N-G
yep. boring.
had christmas serivce in school today
didnt exactly have any excitement for christmas
but havent sang all those christmas carol songs for a super long time
suddenly i just had all the flash back from last year's carolling with my church at orchard
thinking that i go almost every year to orchard to do carolling during christmas shince a tender age of 5
remember dancing too
ha
then i dunno why i felt like crying when singing WE WERE THE REASON
i am too emotional i guess
genia came to school like super late
poor girl
she had some problems with her leg so went to see a doctor
hope she recovers soon after the operation
yes SOON
cos thats me...HA
slept completely during the movies
felt like crying when i slept
dunno why WERID
so cried a little though
ha
hate movies...
its such a short plot and it spoils your eyes
and its BORING
went to faith's house with zhijing
yep. talked a lot
alot about the combination thingy we were going to op for tmr
got mine set
full lit, ss/history, E A maths, physics, chem
here i come!!!
ha
i really need to take A maths cos of poly
but now thinking of it, i may not go poly
i may just take up the music scholarship
maybe
dunno if i should still learn violin
i dun wanna that ugly mark at your neck
but see how thing go
i may learn the cello...ha
aiming to learn piano violin/cello drums guitar before 20
big dream huh
still looking for a job
no one seems really interested working
haf no where in mine now...
maybe i will go hunt one in toa payoh on sunday.
anyone coming along????

i know you are not coming on 4nov
i will just take it as GOD doesnt want me to see you
and get all hurt and disspointed even more
so i will not go to any of the other event that the rest are appearing for
cos i dunno get all heartbroken when i return home after the event
you say you will try to come one day
when?
i think i have suffered from depression
cos i seem to be having all the symptoms
yep
what to do now
i dunno
dun wanna get my medication for it
i have done everything for you

my date with tRUTH

yep. the turtle buddies went out today.
the turtle buddies are me and tRUTH.
yep. tRUTH RUTH.haha. we both got a CUTE PRETTY GREEN turtles today at action city
we went J8 [junction 8]and according to trina, its the AH LIAN's place.
but both of us havent went there for a pretty long time
pop by the converse sales trina told me
the stuff there were not so nice lar
but tRUTH fell in love with one of the sling bags there.
decided to go to converse which was near the sales
didnt get anything was the stuff tRUTH wanted were ex
then went to the mp3 shop nearby and gotten tRUTH's ipod neno cover
tRUTH, brown and light green never go together
sellsperson at that shop, not all girls like pink
he was like giving us that unbelievable look when tRUTH didnt want a pink cover
werid
turtle buddies will never go with pink.....remember that.
i was like carrying that stupid tRUTH's shoppings the whole time ok.
and she doesnt realise it
then pop by kfc for a late lunch
then kept on talking and talking and popping into werid shops
ended up action city where we both fall in love with all the toys there
we were both pretty childish i guess
the toys are ex there.
like 27 bucks to get a toy
haix
and we got our cute little turtles there
tRUTH was really nice
she made me buy that stupid toy ok
cos she really had to buy me something
sighx
and she kept on hinting me that her bdae was round the corner
ego.ha
yep. she is a really nice tRUTHful friend
ha

i guess if i go out everydae like this weekend
i will feel so much better
cos i will not think so much nonsense
ohya.we did pop by cd shop and they well like autographed ablums at the same price
and i was laughing so hardly when i saw the ENERGY's ablum
ruth was like wondering wad i was laughing at
she doesnt noe how ENERGY look like
but i actually felt like crying when i saw it.
but i dunno why i laughed instead
its werid to cry in public though
i dunno why
i had mixed feeling i think
its like i am happy that i still see there ablum being sold and sad that it reminds me of everything
i am not going for the 4november thingy liao
maybe for the bdae party only lar
will you be there?

walk walk walk

yep. i mentioned that i was bored.
then trina asked me to go orchard with her.
fine. i went cos was really going to rust at home.
wanted 1/2hr for faith cos she was doing facial
lucky girl
felt very left out there at first cos rachel and trina kept on talking
and i was stoning and they surprisingly didnt realised anything at all
i wasnt in a very good mood to talk anywaes
cos ruth told me at 1.30pm this afternoon that she was leaving for shanghai to go see the place for a or two weeks next saturday.
i really dun wanna her to go
cos this means she is really going
as in going there for a year or 2.
sighx
really will miss her
1st time such a close friend of mine is leaving
but i am happy that faith called all of us out.
trina did called me out but it was mainly faith's idea lar
yep. so we went to taka 1st for our tea
faith wanted to have tea but didnt want to drink practically have tea.
werid. and i had jap chicken sticks and ice cream which were super filling
haix
then rachel and faith went to mango, zara ... all those clothes shop that me and trina wouldnt go
so we eventually went separate ways
cos it was BORING looking at clothes that you didnt even like a little bit
but me and trina had nice little talks to the clothes at zara and mango
yep. we were BORED so we talked to the clothes
haha. was really fun.
i wanted to buy a wallet so went into surferbabe
and found a NICE PRETTY BLUE roxy wallet
haha
but i couldnt close the damn wallet for nuts
the button is so lousy
so trina accompanied me to pan pacific to the roxy there
and bought it there
and trina got this other blue roxy wallet too
but obiviously mine was nicer
haha.
both of us cant believe that we bought roxy wallet
its ROXY you noe.
its so NNNOOOTTT us
yep. but its a pretty blue wallet.
so who really cares
BLUE IS THE NICEST COLOUR OK
thot my blogskin is black
spent so much today ok.
nearing 40 bucks
terrible
and trina kept on blaming me cos i dragged her to pan pacific and she had to spent like more money cos she fall in love with the wallet at 1st sight.
haha
i have to save up money on the last week of school
i am terribly BROKE.
but trina seems to be worst.
haha
loved my day today
it was a long time since i felt so happy
ha
the more i look at my NICE PRETTY BLUE WALLET, the more i LOVED IT!!!

tell me why

trina asked me to go
faith wants to go but not really sure if she is serious
cos i really am
TRINA YOU DUN HAVE TO SAY WANT I WANNA BE SO LOUDLY RIGHT?
i am not angry
just that i dun want so many pple to noe what my ambition is
cos its a pretty weird ambition to have
moreover, we are from mg
yep
maybe i will go for the open house
will someone come with me?
oh and trina
if you are really serious about the lyrics writing thingy
i can join with you though
serious
haha and represent mg
just join for fun lar

so bored at home today
its like ... i dunno
nothing to do at all lar
no one to go out with
no where to go
nothing in mind to do as well
i am waiting for next week
so i can go gym with ruth
hope we can sneak into the gym
ha

haf been receiving your emails very often now
heard that all of them are coming
but are you?
i know that its a 99% that i am not going
cos i dunno wanna waste my money buying the ticket and put myself under depression after you all leave
i really want to give you a double birthday present
but no matter if you all win it or not
i still will present to you the trophy
the trophy of me heart
sometimes i just wish that i will forget everything
and start life again
like haf a blood clot in my head or something
how i wish i can just end everything with a car crash
haha
why car crash
i dunno

wanna thank GOD for friends
faith, who is always there for me these almost 5 years of my life
always there when i am down
ruth, who always cheer me up on msn
lydia, who is always there for me over the phone
trina, a person that you can pour out everything to
rachel, who always advice me on things
vera, probably her laugher
genia, for being there for me when i need it
angie, for keeping me laughing
for everyone who have been comforting me all these while on that issue

sorry to have kept you busy reading me this long long entry
sorry to have taken so much of your time
cos i really wanna thank HIM for keeping you reading until the end of my entry
thank HIM for keeping you there for me when i am down
i promise you i will be happy

DDISAPOINTEDD

DISSAPOINTED
yes so damn dissapointed for my literature marks
i dun even haf a B, damn it
always missed a few marks to a higher grade
i am disspointed for maths too
i dun understand why i did so badly for the paper
i practice 3 mock papers before the exams and i still fail
so unfair
sometimes i just hate how some pple are smart in nature and just always score so well in exams when they dun exactly study or practice
but for pple like me, too bad cos its just dumbness
cannot blame anyone
miss a B3 by one mark for art
so freaking pissed lar
but actually looking at the bright side of things
i improve like a lot this time compared to midyears and last years result
thank GOD for my results
I PASSED ENGLISH!!!
yep. lucky for me
if not i will not be in mg next year
haha
i haf like super low for my overall average compared to the pple in my clique lar
i am dumb
yep i will accept that fact of me
to them, my average is like BAD
but to me i think its an achievement
at least i improved right?
tmr night going for concert
hope it would be nice
as in not so boring lar
its some jazz concert thingy
seem that other than rachel, i am the only one in class that is going to poly
wad so bad about poly?
wad so good about stressing yourself for A levels when its your own life?
wad so bad about getting a poly certificate instead of a JC one?
its just different paper right? but they are still are certificates.
everyone is against poly
and its so not true that you cannot go spore university if you go poly
poly always sound worser than JC why?
i will win trina for the bet about going JC
i am quite positive about going poly
cos its my life..

2 of a kind

today got my maths paper 2 and history paper back.
improve by 1 mark for history but mrs pandian expected me to have gotten higher and i think i should
currently failed maths
i sort of just screwed the whole paper up
sighx
yep 2 of a kind
so diffcult to find
just finish my usual long talk with lydia
a straight 1hr 52mins
and as usual, i ended the call
we just alot to talk and we also write really long letters to each other as well
its not like what you pple think
think that we are always talking about that 56 and ENERGY
its just that i just realised today what had kept our conversations and letters never ending
we were like 2 of a kind

its diffcult to crave someone in your memory
and its even more diffcult to remove it away
thats all i haf to say
my own saying
believe it or not
and my logic about this issue is quite true
so just have to face it
you can always lie to yourself and others
but never your heart
it will always betray you
tears may just flow down when you think of them
but its not your fault
its not their fault that you are doing so bad
and also not yours
its fate
have to either face it or try to run away from it which will never work
i know all that we have been going through have been tough
but perservance is all we need to fight this battle with your feelings
i believe we will win the battle
but its how we are willing to give things up and tackle our weakness
its impossible to forget them and have a neat clear cut with your memories
why not just try to not hurt yourself so much so you would feel better
just slowing think less of them and let them eventually
i know i am saying all these when i am also one of the victims
i am actually feeling twice the pain you are experiencing now
so just think so how bad i will feel if you were me
but i will try this too but it depend how long i take to fight this battle
we must learn to put things down and continue with life
this entry is both for you and me

father, pls help us.

pic of jelly ice cream ________>YUM

TODAY.

was pretty bored in school
was like so slacky until you get bored
haix.
ruth is going to leave liao
i am like so sad over it
and my maid is leaving too
its like both of them are really close to me
i bet i will miss them alot
and i finally got to ear the jelly ice cream i was searching over the week end
ha
yummy yum
its so cold and nice.
and tasty
its look like i am on a hyper good mood today
it look like its improving
good
as least my blog dont sound so dead all the time
heez
my results were....lets say....ok cos i passed all of them SO FAR
but all not to my expectation
only english surprised me a little
chinese and physic.... way below my high expectations
no As so far.
i feel like a totally idioit now
chinese, physics, literature, maths, history
yep. sorta expect myself to do well in these subs
but i have to only hope for literature, history and maths
to pull my average up
if not, i will really start crying
almost cried when i gotten back my chinese and physics today
i dun wanna anymore Cs
maybe thats why i am so quiet today in class
maybe thats why i isolated myself away from the rest
i am the biggest loser
dont fight with me for that title

SIGHX

yep. i know ruth would be like ' you are sighing again, you even sigh when you tag my blog'. ha. she is really nice thot.
went to my grandma's house to stay these few daes
to hope that i could just stop thingy of them
and stop crying
yes i did somehow helped
but a little only
yes i haf been and still sick since day one when i heard the news
day1 - sore throat , flu
day2 - fever, sore throat, flu
day3 - sore throat, flu
day 4 - cough, sore throat, flu
day5/6 - head ache, fever, cough, sore throat, flu
and finally today cough, sorethroat, flu
yes
sick for a whole week
and i didnt feel like taking medicine
it would really cure much
and i would easily get sick again over the same thing
its not that i dun wanna stop all these 'nonsense'
its just... diffcult
i really thanx all those pple who haf showed concern for me over this matter
lydia, genia, angie, ruth, trina, faith, rachel
thanx alot.
you pple haf cheered me up with all that you can
thanx
i realise that i havent heard myself laugh for a long time
maybe the last time i laughed was ... last wednesday?
yep
now i dun laugh as often as in the past
and i dun laugh at jokes so much as i do last time
sometimes i just feel like 'da cu yi chang'[just keep on crying]
its lke as if there is nothing to smile about on earth
i know i am putting myself into their lives too much
but i wanna withdraw from this game
i am tired
really
but the longer i play in the game
the longer it is for me to get out of the game
and if i hurt in the game, the longer i take to recover

i totally agree with the talk the school gave us the other time about the emotion thingy
the higher you go, the lower you drop
so
the more you laugh, the more you are likely to cry
i will always remember that
look even laughing is bad...
wads good on earth?

sorry.

sorry that i really forgotten.
really was busy and totally forgotten about it
2nd october, i reminded myself a month ago to remember that day
but i still forgotten
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY.

AT LAST

yep. at last all the stress have faded away. one by one. but why do i still feel so moody?
ohya. the main reason i changed my blogskin cos i think it doesnt fit my mood and emotions currently.
my eyes feel constantly watery. i dunno why.
and i got sick again a few daes ago for the same reason.
yep. you guessed it. for them.
why must all these things happen again and again on me?
its really unfair
i know i cannot handle them all well together
i am always put in this position that i never want to be
when will i recover from my sickness?
i never noe
all i noe is that this is the 4th time i am sick for the same old reason
werid right
whenever i am depressed for this particular reason, i will eventually get sick
why must you leave when he comes back?
i really dun understand
i suddenly have the urge to confront you
but tell me how do i have the courage to?
nvm about that now
i sudden felt after the exams that i cannot make it back to mg
i am really scared that i will have to go to normal stream cos of english
i freaked out when i heard that failing 3 subjects means out of mg you go
it just reminded me that my time in mg is running out
somehow, i think i am going to fail all the subjects
will god help me again?
will HE let me pass like how i managed to get into sec2 with a pass?
can i even see the word 'PASSED' in my report book?
i dunno
all i noe that i am so uncertain about everything that is happening around me

TO EVERYONE

study hard and practical lots for maths yar.
maths
home econs
art
chinese
4 more to go and we are done with sec 2! woot.